I wrote this as a way of expressing how I feel during this time of year. 2020 has been especially hard for many reasons, and thus these feelings are stronger than they have ever been.
I find myself longing for the past, longing for a piece of me that I left behind.
It must be Christmas time again.
Suggested listening to accompany text:
2020 makes it eight long years.
Eight years...
Two thousand nine hundred and twenty days.
It doesn't sound like much, but trust me it's a long time.
Does it surprise you that it's been so long?
I understand. You've been busy, you've had a family, you've grown. You have a life and you've lived it and it warms me to see it. I've been living too... for the most part.
We've missed out on so much. So much time that we will never get back.. so many opportunities lay behind us now instead of ahead. We're not young anymore, we're getting older faster.
I wish I could enjoy this time of year, and I'm glad that you are, I really am. I couldn't bear it if we were both miserable.
I truly appreciate the videos and messages you send me. I love seeing the kids, please send them my love.
Why do I get like this? How have I been?
Time, I've noticed, slowly turns memories into something else; something recognizable now but perhaps completely different to how they were back then. When I remembered my brother, or my friends, for the longest time it was comforting. With the help of music I would escape into the past, almost like watching an old movie.
Even though I'm thousands of miles away the distance didn't seem so bad. Social Media helped with that too. It's nice reminiscing online and catching up every now and then, and I love hearing their voices, but these things are... insubstantial in the long run.
Like smelling great food. You might enjoy it and analyze every note and aroma, but eventually you realize how hungry you are and the smell turns from a delight into torture. You want that meal, you're dying for that meal, and unfortunately, it's not coming.
So how am I? I'm tired of smelling the food. I hate that my memories have turned to lead and serve only to drag on me, especially in times like this - so much that it drags on my wife.
Eight year is a long time. Eight Christmases are too many.
I want to come home. I want to see you again.
I want fresh memories to savor, new stories to repeat over and over.
I want to remember what we had the last time we ate, or what we spoke about.
I want to remember how much beer I can drink than you, or how better I am than you at Warhammer. I'd like to sing with you again, play soccer, or just hang out.
I know it wouldn't be for good, I know any time we spent together still would be fleeting - but God knows how much I'd enjoy it.
Remember when we'd stay up all night talking? Remember that night we wrote metal cover to Rebecca Black's 'Friday' song?
Remember that time we burned scars into our arms thinking we were cool? I still have it.
Remember when we walking for 14 hours through Glenbrook national park and nearly slept out in the elements? My knees remember it. I passed out on the train station platform.
Remember when we'd sing 'Hotel California' every time we drove in your car?
Remember when you ran away from home and I held you while you cried in my arms? Or when I carried you across the highway because you were too scared to walk? The time I carried you across a flash-flood zone because you were too scared to try??
If you don't that's okay, some of them were a long time ago.
So much has happened since then.
Every time I'm thinking like this I know a holiday we shared isn't far around the corner.
Eight years is a long time. A long time away from anyone I knew; my friends, my family... anyone.
I have made few friends over here in the States, and in many ways I am the same man I was a decade ago when we knew each other.
In some ways I am completely different.
Time is crushing me; though rarely that can be a good thing.
As always I resolve to the same promise I have made time and time again.
We will meet again,
I promise.
Merry Christmas
Shout-out to 
It has been a long a exhausting few months with little success and little motivation to create content, still, I have many posts in the works just waiting to be finished.
Thank you all, stay safe and happy holidays once again.