Flirting gets a bad rap. Probably because it looks like you're totally up for some horizontal action, but then at the last moment you pull back and say:
"I was only flirting with you" while batting your lashes.
If you have been the target of flirting that goes nowhere then you may feel confused, humiliated or even angry that things were going so well and now . . . nothing.
This is only one type of flirting - you can get very good at flirting so it serves as a valuable social interaction that can boost not only your self esteem but the self esteem of those your aiming your flirting at.
Let's learn how to get much better at flirting.
Good flirting is when you make someone else not only feel but believe that they are really likable, and to do this for someone without any malicious, nasty or manipulative undertone is such a wonderful gift. I mean who doesn't want to feel more likable, attractive or windswept and interesting.
It is quite a skill to master because you need to convince the object of your flirting that:
A. They want to sleep with you.
B. They won't be sleeping with them.
C. Them wanting to sleep with you, but not sleeping with you has nothing at all to do with you.
See how tricky that is!
Good flirting exploits one very important truth about sex. A lot of the pleasure of sex is not that actual act but the in the knowledge that another human likes and accepts us enough in our most raw and vulnerable state. That another person would let go of their self control and engage with us in this deeply personal act is thrilling and enticing.
Being good at flirting mean knowing this information that you can give someone this gift while having coffee or buying a steak for dinner. A good flirt can make this transaction happen with both men and woman and can do it in a heat beat.
But you need to be able to frame your flirting correctly so that the receiver knows there will be no sex happening, just the delicious feeling that, you are sexy and desirable and also funny and charming.
Even the most confidant and attractive among us harbor secret beliefs that we are not attractive and are in fact repulsive, so if a good flirt can make us feel the complete opposite to repulsive, how wonderful is that.
Good flirting subtlety implies to a person that things could get hot and sweaty of only the world was differently arranged. The recipient of the flirting can also feel desirable without the feeling that they are unworthy of being thought sexy.
Being made to feel sexy does not have to end in having sex. Good flirting can bridge lots of social and economical and even gender gaps. You can flirt with the guy who gets you coffee in the morning, the co worker you only see at the water cooler twice a week or the girl at yoga who's asanas you admire.
Flirting has no limits, and it requires you and the flirtee to use imagination to seek out that which is attractive in the other - and that in it's self makes us feel so good.
With practice a good flirt will be able to locate things about someone that are not obvious, you might mention a great set of eyebrows or the knowledge they have on a certain subject even if that subject is coffee strength or the benefits of grass fed beef.
Being able to find another person interesting, attractive and desirable, and then letting them know without having sex with them is a kind and generous thing to do and it will make you feel great as well as them.
However, do not hone your flirting skills to manipulate someone that is just a whole heap of bad karma and don't ever allow a person to think you will be sleeping with them if there is no way that this is on the cards for you.
Flirting should make someone feel great, not scared or weirded out so be careful!
So rate your flirting skills out of 10 and tell me the last time someone flirted with you.
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