Every day I play “choose your adventure.”
I haven’t been around another human being in almost a FULL MONTH and it’s feeling a bit surreal. I had a better day today though off balance from my routine. I took half of my vitamin regime and half exercised. And then half of me wrestled with my ambivalence enjoying solitude while the other half of me entertained dark and morbid thoughts here and there. Here, being in bed and there, being in the kitchen or my couch. I finally travelled to the piano for a couple of hours after having two cups of strong coffee and finding no use for feeling sorry for myself.
I should be fine. I have one student scheduled for the late afternoon.
It rained all day and despite the strangeness of the times sheltering solo, I’m managing to keep myself company. Me, myself, and I, did some laundry (hand wash). And hung the wash on a clothesline that I put up in my patio.
The laundry room is literally across my unit but it is community space and I don’t feel inspired to use the community shared amenities while there’s a virus alert about. Is it worth the risk to throw my laundry in the dryer so that I can enjoy that freshly out of the dryer load? Pass on that adventure.
Even though I’ve not left home, I’m busier than ever. Teaching online takes more prep time. I need to remind everyone what day it is and give a heads up before our planned lesson time. I write notes on thoughts of how the lessons went and forward them to my students and their parents afterwards.
After teaching, I go on study mode. I get caught up on the ever evolving news on the virus and then catch up with political and financial news. I haven’t had time to binge a show. I see everyone on social media raving about some tiger show. I’ll be fine. I’ve managed to be a decent social creature despite not getting as invested as others into Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, and many others.
I do wish I could unplug though...have a laugh and fly a kite. Even taking a nap knowing someone is in the same home would be nice. This is the week I would head down to Sam Diego to enjoy visiting my family, break my routines like intermittent fasting, and hug my favorite people.
Sitting with my solitude, I’m finding I have to bolster my thoughts in not having the comfort of sharing my day with someone. My car battery is dead. The rain has been nonstop and feeling bad about the circumstances would only annoy me. The things I study online? I’m searching for silver linings. I want to believe that life will be better after all this.
I had a good cry this past weekend. I attended Palm Sunday service online, alone, on my couch, sitting with the mystery of faith. It’s Holy Week and many of my friends are celebrating Passover. Our meditation is that we and all who we love are kept safe and healthy as this pandemic passes over us.
I’m not absolutely alone with me, myself, and I. I owe the greater part of my buoyancy to having faith in a God that loves me. If I’m to be on lock down to keep safe, I will consider myself a prisoner of hope.
Be safe and good health to you all,
JNETT