What amazes me right now is the amount of #metoo allegations, yet the feeling I am getting are most people are not even surprised. In fact, they will probably be able to share their own experience of harassment, whether sexual, racial, orientation, or other types of discriminations that occurs at work or other environments. Since the story of Weinstein broke, I have been highly captivated by these stories because it was the common joke or under tone in all aspects of my life. Under peoples breathe or mix on words, individuals would make comments or suggestions to evoke a response. One learns to be silent, and at work especially, it was known as getting thick skin. If you complain, it only gets worse. It was known as the treatment, and till you have received it, it is sort of hard to describe in a paragraph or even a few pages, which I am going to attempt to do.
I began my employment in Hollywood at the age of 21 at the discouragement of my parents, who were both in the Industry. That was when I learned the word nepotism. I also learned what it meant to be on a team and have to depend on others to do their job correctly in order for us all to be successful. The main focus would be a daylight, which received highest priority. When this became a thing, it would be an 8 hour turnaround, meaning the negative is develop, assemble, clean, print, time, and shipped in less than 8 hours. When the Union film laboratories closed, we had the process down to about 2 hours, yet guaranteed the producers and directors a 4 hour daily.
The digital era ended this process, which when I began was told would never happen, because the Industry survived the video age. Cinema still had its mystique, moreover, it had quality. As the amount of resolution and mega pixels increased, so did the quality of the digital negatives and files. This technology advancement pleased me on multiple levels, the big one was taking the strangle hold that Original Cut Negative had on distribution. Making a film from OCN is a real team process, and a very coveted position to have a part. As digital technology made access and distribution of content more readily available, the abuse of power held by monsters has finally began to crumble. Part of the abuse is to remain silent and not talk about what one has heard or seen, and this is done out of fear, either out of fear of being ostracized and never working in Hollywood again, or the treatment, where they making coming to work so heinous that you would rather quit than continue.
This treatment that I am talking about is hard to prove, let alone survive. It begins to make one question ones belief in humanity, and worse, your own sanity. So when people like Brendon speak up, saying how after he reported harassment he felt odd man out, I am able to empathize with him. In my case, I choose to remain silent and move on, like so many of us who are now speaking up. Since I had a degree in Psychology, I thought I would pursue a career in the mental health field. This is when I really became in total disbelief in the reality that was being presented to me. So when the #metoo movement began, I felt my reality is coming back, because there is no way that a person needs to perform a sexual act in order to get or maintain employment. .
The crazy thing was, in Hollywood and then in school, I was being told and led to believe this is the case, and everyone around me was saying as such. I heard from more than one person, that it is no longer what you know or even who you know, but who you blow. Everyone was either pretending or actually accepting that if you want to work or move up, you had to get on your knees or bend over in order to be accepted.
Being well aware that this type of behavior is unacceptable, I began to speak up myself. First calling a rape hotline, only to be laughed at over the phone. Then going to an emergency rape center, only to be laughed at in person. Being heart broken and dismayed, I decided to seek professional help through therapists, psychiatrists, a psychologist, medical doctors...with literally each one telling me I am imagining it and it is not happening. Losing hope, I turned to my own parents, with my mother saying as I had her look at my anus, "at least it doesn't look as bad as mine" and my father acting like the professionals and said to ignore it because it is not happening. I then called the police to file a report, and when they showed up, they spoke to my father who admitted that my mother is molesting me. The police officer spoke to my mother, not in my company, then took me in to custody, because they felt I might be a danger to others.
I truly could not believe what I was experiencing. Yet at work, at my residence, at school, in the mental health field, self help groups, even at the private club, everyone was acting or admitting that this is the reality or denying it completely.
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