My heart thumped fast I made my way out of the changing room. I jumped up and down and tried to take steady breaths. I was sure the next person could hear the epileptic beating of my heart, but I couldn’t be sure.
This is the night that is going to determine everything.
Whether I win or lose.
Whether I live or die.
Whether I’m truly the man I say I am, or I am an imposter. Merely a shell of nothingness fronting to be what he’s not.
Tonight, I was to face my biggest opponent.
But it was weird.
Because I never got to know his name.
No one would tell me who he was, so I could prepare ahead or learn his tricks.
I was left in the dark to face whoever monster this was. All on my own.
The thrumming in my heart turned to vicious stabs.
Because I knew. I knew that this fight was going to change my life forever.
I knew the who on the other side was someone who would test everything I’d ever known in the worst ways possible.
I knew that there was a chance I would fail.
Yet, I kept walking.
As I approached the boxing ground, the roar of the crowd was deafening.
Were they cheering for me?
That their champion had arrived?
Or were they cheering because they knew they were about to witness my unsuspecting demise.
How I would become minced meat for whoever was in that ring. Waiting for me.
I approached the ring with confident steps, even as sweat pooled like droplets of dew on my skin.
I hastily cleaned it off. They were not going to see me sweat.
Stepping into the ring, I looked at my opponent who had his back to me, gesturing wildly to the frenzied crowd.
Something about his form was weirdly familiar.
Almost like I’d seen him many times before now.
But how could that be?
Slowly, deliberately, he began to turn.
Then, he faced me.
And I forgot how to breathe.
For standing in front of me, with a dubious smirk on his face, was me.
From the mole on my chin to the little scar on my left brow, this man had everything I had.
I turned to the crowd. Surely, this was a mistake. Couldn’t they see who was in front of me? Didn’t they know what was happening?
And then, it clicked.
My biggest battle. The one I’d yearned for, for so long. The object of my nightmares, and the bane of my existence... was all me.
The referee stepped into the middle of the ring and asked us to approach each other.
It had become real. I was truly about to fight with my own self.
I knew what this meant. If I won, we won. If I lost, we lost. Just how deep the loss would be, I didn’t know yet.
And so, as the referee brought the whistle to his lips, I waited for that rush of peace that usually came when I was about to attack viciously to overwhelm me, and the very moment he blew the whistle, I lunged.
What I See?
A boxer poised to attack.
What I Feel?
Focus. Determination. Strength.
