I saw a tweet a few weeks ago that was directed at people from strict homes with overprotective parents. It asked what the effect of this was on their social lives. I鈥檓 not sure if I can find a picture of the tweet but it said several things that related to what I face now.
Like you鈥檇 rather cancel your plans or refuse to make them at all than ask for permission, seeing no need in pursuing new interests or friendships because you won鈥檛 see them through by hanging out or going on dates or sleepovers, the numerous lies you鈥檝e got to tell so you can get to go out(on the few times you finally decide to go), how even when you become somewhat free, you prefer your company to anyone else鈥檚 and also comfortable with not making conversations or replying texts because somehow, you just can鈥檛....see them.
I know these things sound crazy but if you come from a strict household, particularly a strict African household, you鈥檇 be able to relate this. I鈥檝e become so comfortable with being anti-social because these are the things I faced and still kind of face. I mean it鈥檚 not as bad as before with me going to the University, but there鈥檚 not a lot of difference with the way I react to these things.
I found everything in the tweet so relatable and to be honest, it made me feel good. Very good actually, that other people have gone through or had the same childhood that I had and are also going through the same aftereffects.
I mean I used to chide myself at each turn when one friend or the other would flare up and stop talking to me altogether cause I couldn鈥檛 reach out, couldn鈥檛 reply to texts, couldn鈥檛 ever agree to meet up. I got tired of apologizing (that鈥檚 not entirely true, I still do it now and again), got tired of trying to explain that I did see the messages but I鈥檇 reply in my head and forget to actually write them.
For that last part, I don鈥檛 know if to blame anyone. Thinking of all of these now, I wonder if it鈥檚 just the way I am and has nothing to do with the kind of childhood I had. Or maybe it鈥檚 both of them and more. Saying all these, I鈥檓 not in any way disparaging my parents.
I mean, I can鈥檛 even begin to count the blessings I鈥檝e enjoyed and I鈥檓 still enjoying, as well as the numerous things I鈥檝e been saved from because I had strict, not to mention very religious parents. There are a lot of things I can鈥檛 do, places I can鈥檛 go, cause of that. So, it hasn鈥檛 caused me damage. Just moulded me differently from people raised in more liberal homes.
Right now, I鈥檓 in that phase when I talk to not more than three people online every day. I remember a lot of people messaging me because of something I鈥檇 posted on my WhatsApp status recently, which is not something I do a lot. I remember being so overwhelmed by the influx of messages, who to answer, how to answer those I have to answer...I almost went into a panic. When it got too much and I couldn鈥檛 decide, coupled with how draining it was, I just turned off my phone and went to sleep. Pathetic, I know. Lol
Switching back to whether or not I鈥檓 social, I think it鈥檚 already clear that I鈥檓 not. But I don鈥檛 think I can call myself anti-social. I enjoy talking to people. You can鈥檛 shut me up when I鈥檓 with my circle of friends. The very few that I call my people. When I鈥檓 amongst my people, it鈥檚 like fireworks. Happy and cheery fireworks. But even with all of that, and how much I enjoy being with them, I鈥檇 find myself pretty soon craving for the comfort of my bed my own company and my own space. Away from them. That鈥檚 just it.
Looking at it from this angle, it feels kind of balanced. Cause I know how to have a good time with people that I鈥檓 cool with. No, you can鈥檛 call me the life of the party. Lol. I find that very exhausting. But you can be sure, that when it comes down to it, I鈥檇 dazzle everyone and have them rolling with my wit and humour, which thankfully, is hereditary and almost never lacking.
So that鈥檚 it. Everyone is a work in progress. I could either get better at this though. Or worse. Time will tell. But for now, I鈥檓 comfortable in my little bubble, with my few people who still manage to stick around despite what my people would call, my bad character. Lol
Jhymi馃枻
Image is mine.