More than anything, I feel that minimalism is more conscious than subconscious. Maybe there are some people who it may come naturally to, but in the realest sense, it’s a conscious effort. A conscious effort in our thoughts, a conscious effort in our words and also our actions. Which is why I can affirm to how hard minimalism can be sometimes. Because we consciously need to put effort into making it work.
And that is why it is possible to miss some parts of minimalism sometimes. Since it is a deliberate effort to fine-tune our thoughts and words, there are a few times and a few instances where I find myself missing a particular tenet of non-minimalism. I think one aspect of my non-minimalist past that I miss would be hoarding and holding onto sentimental objects.
I threw away a lot of stuff few months back. Pictures that no longer hold value to me, objects that bring unpleasant memories and items that just bring an influx of nostalgia. Surprisingly, once I got around to it, it wasn’t the hardest thing to do. I resisted the urge to hold them or look at them for too long but I did this thing, we the Nigerians would refer to as, “zeroing your mind.” It basically means to stand on your ground and make a firm resolve. And that’s what I did. I stopped looking at them and simply tossed everything, physical and virtual into the trash.
What I didn’t expect was the level of peace I felt immediately afterwards. It felt like something lodged subtly in my chest that I wasn’t aware of but was weighty, was now lifted up. So, I smiled and patted my back that I had done the right thing and everything would fall seamlessly into place from now on. I wasn’t prepared for the longing afterwards, and the panic. I questioned and second guessed myself, asking whether or not I had done the right thing.
And so, it’s one aspect of non-minimalism that I miss. That need to hold onto objects of sentimental value. The truth is that, you would know that looking at it from the bigger picture, you did the right thing for you, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I think the reason why we attach sentimental value to objects, judging from how I am with these things is that feeling that I would need them again. So, I’d be like if I let go of this, what if I need that object again, or need to relive that memory again urgently, what would it do then?
And while I don’t doubt that there is a possibility of needing that object or item again, I think it’s an illusion our mind gives us, so that we keep holding on. However, it is easier said than done. So, even after continually advising myself and stating all the reasons why I shouldn’t hoard something and hold onto that object, I still end up missing it a few times, or at least the idea of it.
I saw a viral video on the internet where Goodwill staff made a video to alert a girl whose array of award her Mom had sent to their establishment They thought that her Mom had gotten rid of all her awards, that spanned from best pianist to most valuable lawn tennis player, without her permission. So, the girl made a video later on to tell everyone that it was actually done with her permission. And I wondered how that felt. Letting go of more than 20 awards that showed your life accomplishments. Did she feel afterwards like she had lost a part of her identity? Or did it liberate her in the most exhilarating way.
And I keep thinking to myself, would I ever be like that? Willing to let go of things that feel vital to my core and existence, yet still smile about it afterwards like that lady did? So, to answer the question of the Minimalist Community through the #kiss initiative, on the subject of what part of my non-minimalist past I miss, I would say that it is the ability to hold on to sentimental objects. These days, the moment I realize something sets off an uncomfortable emotion and memory in me, I let it go so fast, you’d think my hands were on fire. I’m still unsure of whether that’s a good thing or not.
I try to think of it as doing good by myself. But it’s not always easy, and I miss the ease that came with just holding onto something just for the sentimentality of it.
Images are mine.
