I think the one thing I didn’t know how to do for a long time was to pause. My background incorporated into me a very chop chop mentality. Cause that was the belief. There was no time. Seconds were wasting, so you couldn’t afford to dally or be idle. We were expected to be in a rush. All day, every day. And so from the way I walked, to the way I talked, and thinking of it now, to the way I even thought, it was all rush. Never a time to pause. Or to breathe.
The last month has been crazy for me. With the rush of exams and everything in between, mindfulness as a lifestyle was the furthest thing from my mind. And even in the last couple of weeks where life became unbearably slow, my brain couldn’t stop speeding at an alarming rate. I wouldn’t call it an entirely horrendous experience, but one time in the last month where I could physically feel the weight of my spiralling thoughts crashing on me, I willed myself to breathe.
Pause.
And breathe....
Pause.
And breathe...
The thoughts began to flow again, but instead of flowing in a torrent like it was before, I was able to consciously pick one thought to settle on. So, the imagery here is like you perusing through your gallery and instead of letting them speed past, you stop at each picture, admire, try to figure what’s special about it, try to see how vital it is for this picture to remain, and then decide if you should delete it or not before moving to the next picture.
And so that’s what I did. The thoughts kept trying to pour in, but I willed myself to focus and determine how important this thought was, and all of that. The truth is, when it comes to being mindful as a lifestyle, the hardest yet most important factor are your head and your heart. And you’ve got to mentally, will it to be still. To pause for a second and breathe.
The last couple of weeks, while exasperating, was liberating in its own way. Because I had to learn to pause...and breathe. Pause myself from my mind’s endless wanderings, from thoughts that could spiral to becoming negative even though it began positively...pause all of that. Breathe in tranquil and breathe out the angst, frustration, pain and confusion. And then smile, as your final way of assuring yourself that it’ll be alright.
I had to restock on hair products and mostly skincare yesterday. I’d written a list but ended up forgetting it in my room. While reeling from the shock of the increase in cost of things, I had to pause and breathe, also because I didn’t want to buy the things I didn’t write down. I wanted to only pick the necessities but I saw other vital things and felt them calling out to me. That urge to impulsively buy came very hard. And even though I have other financial necessities besides skin care at the moment, the temptation to close my eyes and just pick more stuff intensified.
But right there, in the middle of the mall, with my friend peering at me like I’d lost my mind, I stopped in track, paused my thoughts and drew a breath. Quite a long one at that. So that when I finally looked around me, I was able to put my necessities first and let go of the others till the need to get them arose.
And that’s the thing about being mindful, in my opinion. You almost never have it all together. It’s like a process you have to consciously work towards, even if it could grow to become a habit in future. To answer the question posed by the Minimalist Community via the #mindfulmonday initiative, we were asked a question on how mindfulness fits into our lives as a minimalist and how/whether or not we cultivate a mindful practice.
My answer is that in line with the principle of mental decluttering, and self-appreciation, I just owe it to myself to be mindful. With my thoughts, the things I say and do. To pause and count my words. To think carefully before acting. To still my mind and breathe when my head gets clogged up. At this point I’m just swinging it, cause I’m pretty sure I don’t have it completely together.
Pause. Breathe. Smile, however, has become my watchword recently. To cultivate a better, more productive me... that’s one of the best steps I could have taken. And I’m more than positive of what is to come.
Images are mine.
