I think I’ve heard a lot of bizarre things over the years when it comes to gender. Especially gender roles in the family and the society. And I only realized that a lot of people took it as an issue when I got around to interacting with them. It started when I was younger and I’d ask this guy what his morning chores were and he said, “Washing the car, of course. Is there any other thing a boy is supposed to do?”
Well at that time I had nothing to say, being that I was just a kid and wouldn’t know the right response to give to that. But even then, I found it weird and amusing.
I got older and heard even worse things. I remember going to a family friend’s house and when we were done eating, my Mom, being the good aunt had ordered us(myself and the other kids - two boys and a girl) to clear the plates and wash the dishes. And then their Mom shushed my Mom immediately.
“How can you ask boys to wash plates? Men?? Is that their duty? Let Tessie and Peace do it.”
I’d been about twelve and I don't know which I found more amusing, my mom's slack-jawed expression or the fact that she called 12 year olds, men. But Mom said nothing else and motioned us(the girls) imploringly to go wash the plates. Peace and I were simmering as we watched the boys make mocking faces at us before going to watch TV.
Fast forward to summer holiday a few months later and those same cousins came over to spend a few weeks of their holiday with us. We’d been eating and once the boys were done, they jumped to go watch TV. My Mom didn’t hesitate to put them in order and ask them to tidy where they ate and wash the dishes too. They looked at her like she grew eyeballs on her forehead and said, “Aunty, we don’t do that in our house.”
My Mom smiled serenely at them. “Well this is my house and in this house, boys wash their plates. So start washing. Now.”
They muttered something about telling their Mom, which they did and their Mom, in turn, called mine. I wasn’t there when they had the conversation but Mom later told us that she’d told her that if she wasn’t okay with it, she could come pick them up.
And she did come pick them up. Crazy right?
We’re all girls at home. A whole squad of sisters and if it’s something I would always appreciate my parents for is the fact that they brought us up without the whole gender archaic specifications. We were brought up with the standard that girls should cook just the same as boys. And Girls should know how to wash the car, start the generator, heck, even fix the tyre just the same as boys.
There were no specific tasks for specific genders. And it was constantly a puzzlement to me why there would be. Chores, sports, or what have you...anyone, regardless of gender can do whatever they want. I’ve told a few guys in the past upon being asked, that we’re all girls at home. And most of them would make statements like. “I feel sorry for your Dad. I wonder how he copes. No one to even watch soccer with.”
I remember laughing out so hard and wondering what kind of messed up world I was living in. I shouldn’t have bothered but I went right on to inform him that I watch football. Love it even. And practically everyone at home is a sports lover. Of all forms. Why should it be a gender thing? It’s so annoying sometimes and I hate that a lot of us, even in this dispensation, are still carrying that myopic mentality.
You hear mothers telling their girls that they had better cook so that their husbands would have what to eat. You don’t even want to know what I reply to such people when I hear it. It’s crazy. But again, I’m grateful that I wasn’t indoctrinated into such a system and I’ll make sure none of my children share such belief. They would know pretty early that gender starts and stops with their reproductive systems and after that, they are people. People who can do and achieve anything they want to. Gender be damned.
In conclusion and on a very hilarious note, I had this guy toasting me one time and since it was an office space, I brought the food I cooked from home to the office. And during lunch break, he asked to share it with me. Then after a few spoons went on to exclaim, “My problems are over! I can’t wait to marry you. I’ll be eating different meals 24/7.” And as if that was not enough, he added, “I hope you’re also good at house chores.”
Lol. Ladies and gentlemen, who can guess what my reply was to this young man?
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