I giggled at this post because I鈥檓 at the phase where I would say I鈥檝e had the least bit of inspiration to do anything. I finished a series of tests that I can practically guarantee I鈥檒l have all A鈥檚 in. Sadly, I鈥檝e not been able to be as efficient as I thought in balancing school life, social life and of course, work life, Hive inclusive.
But as I would say before I relapse again, I鈥檓 back and I would try to give my all. But as much as I would like to think that I miss Hive so much and miss penning down my words and letting it envelope me, and while all of that is true, I can also be bold enough to admit that I鈥檓 back for the income. Because I am nearing that era where I鈥檒l become totally independent from my parents and since I鈥檓 a student, the slightest amount coming in would go a long way. So yeah, I do miss writing but I miss smiling at my wallet as well and I can鈥檛 be ashamed to admit to that truth. Lol.
How do I get inspired to write? Or what was my inspiration to write those days when all my joy came from my writing and I would say that the first bit was my thoughts and experiences on that day leading to when I鈥檒l write. As a student, Heaven knows you鈥檒l see crazy things every day. Walking on the street, you鈥檒l see exciting, bizarre, bland things and everything in between. So what I did then was that I鈥檇 have my little journal with me and highlight them as I see fit. I could see three things of interest and at the end of the day when I want to write, I would take one, two or all of them and weave a reflective piece, or my favourite thing to do, craft a story(although it's been hard doing this last bit, recently.)
Another thing, I would say, is that I get off on my specific deadlines. Anyone who鈥檚 really close to me and even in my dorm would know that I immediately start fidgeting once it nears 8pm. I don鈥檛 know how or when I adopted 8pm as my moment to leave everything and start writing but that鈥檚 how it has been for the longest time, except on a few occasions when I had to start writing at an earlier time because I had a burst of inspiration or something.
So from 7:30 or thereabout, on the times that I wouldn鈥檛 have a pre-planned post, I鈥檇 scout Hive for prompts and if I found one that resonated with me, I鈥檒l form the thought of what I鈥檓 doing in my head and wait patiently for 8pm to start writing. Somehow, if it鈥檚 not yet 8pm, my head wouldn鈥檛 be able to form a thought to start writing and on the times when for one reason and the other, I can鈥檛 write by 8pm at the dot, I鈥檇 push the time of writing to 8.30, 9 or 9.30 depending on the situation. I guess it鈥檚 weird but something about those whole numbers breeds the perfect ambience for my mind to come alive.
Another thing and what I would say is my biggest source of inspiration is myself. I listen to myself a lot, maybe more than anything. I鈥檓 observant about my feelings, my thoughts and the whirlwind that is my mind. The truth of the matter is that we can never, (or let me not generalise it) ....I can never completely convey the emotions I feel on this space. Whether it鈥檚 utter happiness or abject pain, whether it鈥檚 a mind consuming sadness or a numbing feeling of emptiness, I try to remember that this is a public space at the end of the day and I鈥檓 responsible for whatever I put on this space, especially since it鈥檚 most likely to haunt me at the end of the day.
But whoever said dilution isn鈥檛 a real thing?
I鈥檓 not the type to lie about my feelings. Or make myself write happiness when the sadness in my heart is overwhelming. But I can dilute what I really feel in my words and channel it so that only a few perceptive people can read between the lines and see what I鈥檓 trying to say. Most of the time though, I write with the hope that no one sees the true thoughts behind my post but sometimes I wish someone can see. Like really see. Other than that, pictures I take during the day can provoke feelings that are very separate what I feel and I can write about them.
That鈥檚 the power of a true writer, I guess. We are intentional about what we write and you can only see what we want you to see. It鈥檚 a powerful feeling if you know how to use it. But....I digress.
Finally, my sense of responsibility is a huge inspiration for me. I owe it to myself to put myself out there. I owe it to myself to help or liberate someone in whatever way with my words. I owe it to myself to document these little bits of my life because I know that someday I鈥檇 have a need to cry tears of joy because of how far I鈥檝e come. I prioritise my future as much as my present. And so whatever I can hold onto, would someday become a memoir of my life. Inspiration to write at its finest.
Okay, that鈥檚 about it. Anymore and y鈥檃ll would be in on my deepest secrets. Lol
Shout out to the #JuneInleo initiative for this amazingly reflective topic.