I watched as she took a giant leap. I felt my chest twist into knots as she spinned three times, suspended in the air and free as a bird, weightless in the sky like gravity had no hold on her. I felt with the beads of sweat that had pooled on my temple begin to trickle down. I watched with bated breath and a prayer on my lips as that fleeting, weightless second came to an end. And then she made her descent, graceful as a swan, a dimpled smile decorating her cheek, even as the crowd erupted into cheers and roars of amazement. My little girl, Zira. I thought to myself.
“Mum? Mum!” I snapped out of my reverie to find my daughter holding my cheek and looking at me with a worried scowl on her face. “What’s the matter?”
I scanned the ice ring and found only a few stragglers. We were more or less alone. “Wow, how long had I zoned out?”
“Far too long,” she responded wryly, still scanning my face. “What’s the matter, Mama?”
“Nothing baby,” I responded, hoping my smile was as reassuring as I wanted it to be. “I was just stuck in another time.”
Zira, true daughter of mine, wasn’t convinced. “This is the third time you’ve done this since you started coming for my practices. And you’ve only been here thrice.” She became crestfallen. “You know, it’s okay if you don’t want to be here...”
I didn't let her finish. “No baby, I meant it when I said you have my one hundred percent support. I truly am sorry that I wasn’t here with you from the beginning. I’ll be better. I promise.” And this time, my smile was reassuring. I was going to be okay seeing her make magic on ice. She was going to be great someday, my Zira.
I noticed she had already enveloped me in a hug so I hugged her too. With her gaze so lit, I figured it was time to let shift gear a bit. “So,” I began with a grin, interlocking arms with her. “Where did you learn that last move from?”
She beamed again, happy the topic had steered into something more agreeable. “A lady never reveals her secrets.”
I grinned. “Oh, you don’t say....”
“Uh-huh,” she said running ahead of me to drop her ice gear in the car. That moment was one of the best times we’d had. I wish now that it had lasted longer.
It was one of those nights where you’d suddenly wake up. Not cause of the heat or a bad dream. Just find your eyes open. I remember the last time it had happened. Waking up and tiptoeing. I knew what I was going to find as I descended the stairs that cool summer morning was going to break me, but I did it anyway. And then I saw him. With the maid. In our living room. I shook my head furiously, not wanting to recall one of the coldest and most heart-breaking moments of my life.
This time felt like that too but I was sure it was my nerves. Nevertheless, I walked on, careful that I didn’t make the lightest sound as I descended once again, down the stairs. And again, there he was. Wait, there she was. I saw the silhouette that could have only belonged to one person as she watched something with utmost concentration on the TV screen. I breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a false alarm as Zira was merely watching some ice skating.
But then I saw a girl leap high in the air, swirling and spinning as she defied gravity and gave it her all. But then she descended, first like a swan till she landed with a thud that was anything but graceful and the crowd gasped in horror. I looked at the screen and knew without a doubt that the lady in the glittering red gown was me.
Twenty years ago. I remembered it because the commentator’s voice came on then. And then he made the comment that was engrained in my memory like it was carved on stone. “....My oh my, look at that limp,” he said as the health officials took the crying lady on a stretcher and out of the room. “Zainab Kirkland, our defending Olympic champion is out of the ring. And it looks like she may never return.”
With that ending comment that had haunted me for more than two decades, I saw red and before I could think any better, I was marching towards a speechless Zira. I switched it off and turned on her in an instant.
“How dare you! How dare you do this to me?”
“Mum,” Zira began with tears glistening in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I was livid. “You didn’t answer my question, Zira. How dare you hurt me like this? What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing, Mama. Except the fact that my mother has been lying to me for the past eighteen years. It all makes sense now. Why you never let us watch the Olympics. Why for years you never showed up for a single one of practices. Why you never believe in me. Cause you were once like me-”
“I am nothing like you!”
I felt it even before I saw it. The shattered look on Zira’s face. “What?”
“I’m sorry, baby. That’s not what I meant.”
“No, Mum. That’s exactly what you meant.” The tears flowed freely and when I tried to speak, she shut me with a held-up finger. “You know, I hated the fact that you hated the one thing I loved. But now that I’ve seen this, I understand.” She enveloped me in a hug then, tighter and emotion-filled as ever.
I couldn’t mask my confusion. “What?”
She clutched me harder. “It’s okay, Mama. I’ll bring you back to the ring and prove that commentator wrong.”
“Zira...”
“Please, Mama. Let me teach you to fly again. Please.”
I looked into her eyes in that single moment and I believed her. She was going to do it. She would take me back home.
Jhymiđź–¤
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