I have been running around in circles on what to post, and what to say. I鈥檓 at crossroads between doing things because they are right, and what I need to do, doing things because that鈥檚 what I want to do, and doing things for the plot. And trust me, the second and last things are two different things entirely.
For what I need to do, I鈥檓 currently writing my exams for the session, which is why I鈥檓 not regular here. I鈥檓 putting in a lot of work, because for a lot of reasons, more eyes are on me than they were in the previous semester. Thankfully, they are all for good causes, so I just need to maintain that. And yeah, I know we shouldn鈥檛 do things because of what people will say but because it鈥檚 what we need to do, and all that.
But sometimes we need to tell ourselves the truth, and in my truth, I like how most people, especially in my Faculty, are looking at me. In awe. Some awe laced with admiration, and some with a twinge of envy, but awe nonetheless. I love it, and I want it continue, so I need to study and work hard at my academic endeavours, which is what I鈥檓 doing, and why I鈥檝e suspended everything else. Mostly.
The next path has to do with the things I want. I want to read scintillating novels again. I want to go for long walks while the breeze caresses my face and tousles my hair, and sweet, blissful music blasts in my ear through my earpods. I want to have lovely moments with people I care about. Quality time spent with one another, where we laugh and love.
I want to get nice things for myself. Go on dates, and have nice outdoor events, since all of my life has been mostly indoors. I want to be gifted with things I love by people who love me, and have the capacity to gift them as well. While almost none of these things have been actualized, I yearn to have them, and make the most out of them as well. And I will...
And finally, the things I鈥檓 currently doing for the plot. Have I been on a for-the-plot spree in the last couple of months? Yes. Do I feel that some of them may be, in fact, bad decisions? Maybe. Will I be stopping anytime soon? Absolutely not. It鈥檚 nothing wild, and my definition of somewhat bad decisions may be to the next person things that which would make a zealous nun proud. But why I鈥檓 excited about them is because of how impulsive they are. I鈥檓 just living. Taking each day as it comes, and living it to the fullest. Loving how I feel powerful in my own self, and with the things I鈥檓 able to do. Coughs coughs... Good times are about to unfold for me, for real.
Either way, the significant factor in all three aspects, is just me building myself up to a what I want, I will get mentality. Simply because I鈥檓 willing to work hard for it, and because the Universe loves me enough to make things almost always go my way. I鈥檓 getting pinged now to start studying, and while I head onto that because those academic goals must be reached, I will say that it has been most delightful sharing these things with the inhabitants of The Flame, and I鈥檓 glad I didn鈥檛 go through with the other post I was going to make.
Till next time, lovelies. Stay blazing!
Image is mine.
