“Are you willing to give your soul in exchange?”
The words, echoed in my mind as I thought back to why I was here in the first place. In this dingy cave that reeked of filth and sin and souls that have perished by the action I was about to commit. Was I that desperate? How had I reached here? My eyes blurred as I looked into the flames that emanated from what looked like snail shells surrounding the insides of the cave, and I let my mind wander. Trace it all to the beginning.
I wasn’t always greedy. I wasn’t always thirsty for the things I couldn’t get. That’s a lie. I’ve always wanted things that were beyond me. The only legitimate son born to the wealthiest man in the village, it should have come with a lot, shouldn’t it? And it did come with a lot of things. A life of sorrows and pain caused by my brother and their mamas. It was ironic how they were illegitimate children, born by my Dad’s flings, yet my Dad treated them with respect and love that wasn’t merited. With the love and attention that should have been mine. So, this was me, Jariel, the son of the man who was said to make kings and kill them in the same breath and I was his heir, only cast to the curb. Rejected.
If you think I’d do something as lowly and degrading as trying to seek his attention or worse, get him to love me, you’re absolutely right. I did everything I could to make him see me. To at least acknowledge my existence, but our conversations, mostly went in this manner.
“Father, I broke the neighbour’s fence and let his cattle loose.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me, father? I committed a crime. I should be punished. You should set me to be punished.” I said, trying and failing to keep the excitement out of my voice.
More silence.
“Father I said I –
“Do what you will, Jariel. But please leave my presence so I can get these numbers done.”
“What numbers? I’m sure I could help…”
He would look up at me then. For the first time since I came in. And even though his glare showed how irritated he was with my presence, my heart would sing for joy. Glad that he was at least looking at me. But, I guess he realized then that he had dared to spare me a glance and regret it immediately, returning his eyes to the papers in front of him.
“Leave. Now.” He’d growl under his breath. And just like that, I knew that it was the end. I’d walk out defeatedly out of his chambers.
Funny to think that I’d been as little as eight then. I grew up and everything around me changed. Father had grown older and more fickle and not just in mind. I guess I should have appreciated the crumbs of attention he threw my way then. At least he spared me a glance occasionally. Now, the life of a random housefly was more exciting and intriguing than my existence.
My brothers took over everything, giving the rightful owner nothing. They were older and made sure I knew it. And slowly, my need for acceptance nurtured itself into despair. And then bitterness. And then hatred. Soul-wrenching, mind-numbing hatred. It ate my mind, into my heart and lastly my soul. I no longer saw people. I was blinded by unquenchable rage.
And so I began the journey at the age of twenty-four to the abode of the Digwali. The fact that this name meant “the spirit that takes twice what he gives” didn’t deter me. I was no longer thinking. Since I couldn’t earn anyone’s attention, I would get it myself. By force. And they would be sorry. Every last one of them, I vowed.
But now, as I sat in the cave of Digwali, after many months of sojourning, I was beginning to think that maybe I had been hasty.
“You waste time, son of the kingmaker. Are you willing to give your soul in exchange?” His gravelly voice jolted me from my reflections. I stared into his beady eyes that was thick with malicious intent. And I was suddenly weak with the realization. He wouldn’t let me leave here. At least not the same way. He’d make sure to take something since I’d seen his face.
Digwali’s emotionless face changed into a mocking sneer. He knew that I’d realized just how trapped I was.
“What would it be then, Jariel? Can I take your soul in exchange for what you seek?” He spoke again. “Remember the years of taunting. Of pain and neglect. And make a decision. Now.”
I heard the impatience in his tone, in the sinister gleam of his eyes and the constant shuffling of his feet.
My soul must be worth a lot, I thought to myself.
Nevertheless, I didn’t have a decision to make. I knew I had nothing to return to. Have all or have nothing. I had nothing but would I gain all?
Looking a the little jars at the corners where it felt like eyes were staring at me, I knew that they contained souls of people that once stood on the ground I was currently upon. Souls that I’ll soon be part of. I closed my eyes. I’d made my decision.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?” Digwali asked, his voice rising a notch.
“You can take my soul. I want it all.”
He gave a grin so frightening, it would have made a lesser man quiver but lesser, I was not. At least not after now.
He motioned me closer and began saying incantations that made the cave tremble. The ground shook and his eyes shone as he planted his hands on my chest. I felt it then. My soul slipping away. He chuckled with maddening glee. I saw it in my mind’s eye. My essence leaving me into the man before me.
I closed my eyes and relaxed my spirit, letting it flow. I smiled as the Digwali began to scream.
“What’s happening? It’s too much. It’s too much!” He screamed.
If I was going to end, I’d end everything with me. I’ll set those souls free. And maybe if I didn’t have any recognition in the land of the living, I’d have it among the dead. As the last of my life ebbed away and I gazed at the dying Digwali, his body shrivelling up with the force of the power, the souls breaking out of their jars and the Digwali’s cave crumbling on my head, a single tear fell from my eye.
“Hope you’re glad, universe. My soul...... for yours.” And then, the world faded to black.
