I have spent the entire Sunday wondering whether this is merely a depressive episode, or if something has truly changed. As evening approaches, I realize that this is not just a passing discomfort, nor is it some inexplicable sadness. Something has shifted; certain things have happened in my life for the very last time. There are things I can no longer allow to take place in my world, and there are people who, even though they remain by my side, no longer mean anything to me.
A few years ago, I went through the darkest period and the worst experience of my life. I didn’t think I could bear such a heavy burden on my soul, but I managed; I got back up and became stronger than I had ever been. Today, I find myself stumbling into calamity once again, and it feels as though fate has stolen the last remnants of my innocence, hope, and kindness. Yet, I remain aware that I can handle this, that every ounce of adversity makes me wiser and stronger. In fact, it seems these lessons have arrived to teach me, once and for all, how to cope with the things I cannot control in a way that is healthy for my soul.
When everything you believe to be real and right crumbles before me, I find that darkness is the best company... Today, I truly enjoyed the darkness of twilight, that moment when the colors of the sky begin to fade as the sun bids farewell behind the mountains west of Caracas. I think I felt such a deep connection to this sunset because, right now, my darkness outweighs my light. I don’t believe that’s a bad thing; in fact, with each passing day, I become more convinced that we all carry both light and shadow within us, and it is perfectly okay to feel, even when we need to release what is negative.
I remember having such high hopes for the month of October. Ever since the earthquake in June, each month had been worse than the last: fear in July, frustration in August, and profound exhaustion in September. I couldn’t bear any more pain or distress in my life, I’m someone who usually knows how to open a new window and let in a breath of fresh air, but October hit me with everything it had, literally from the very first minute.
This time, it is not a matter of the death of someone significant in my life, yet I can say that I am in mourning in other, equally important respects. My faith has been shattered, and justice crumbled before my very eyes, leaving me completely powerless. It wasn’t a question of avoiding making things worse; rather, there was truly nothing I could do that would have changed the outcome, and I realized that very quickly.
There are many powerful people in the world making the wrong decisions or treating others like chess pieces. This isn’t limited to national governments; it can happen within our own workplaces, and often even among those closest to us. For months, I told myself that the upheaval caused by the earthquake was to blame for the shifts in the atmosphere and in the people around me. But as time has passed, and as I have gradually returned to my own self, I struggle to understand those who were unable to find their way back. Or, worse yet, perhaps they simply returned to who they truly are, revealing their real faces.
What I need most right now is a break, from my routine, from certain situations, from certain people, but this isn’t a time for a vacation. I’ll have to find a way to disconnect from the negativity while still navigating my daily life, dealing with everything that has been weighing on me lately. I know it’s possible; I’ve managed it before. I always remind myself that I have the tools to move past anything that doesn’t add value to my life, even if, right now, almost everything in my environment, my work, the people around me, my finances, my home, falls into that category.
I’ll leave you with this selfie, a smile that’s a bit forced, perhaps, but one that serves as a promise to myself: I’ll be okay, and I’ll keep on smiling. It makes me chuckle to think of that old saying, "at least I have my health", but it’s true. I’m in great health right now, which gives me the essential foundation I need to keep going and turn things around completely. I also have my wife, my rock, always there. She’s never left my side, proving time and again that she’s with me through the good times and the bad. I don’t even know how she does it, honestly, I wouldn’t even want to be around myself right now! I know that, looking back, all of this will just be a distant, unpleasant memory, but also a lesson I’ll never forget. Tough times forge great warriors, and that drive to fight for what’s mine, and for the people I love, is something I hope I never lose 🙏