Well, I AM actually, but at the same time I'm ashamed of many if not most of the things I've done (I've only touched on things)
I started out in 2016 or 15, trying to write my 'memoirs' because when I related some of my experiences, many people expressed interest because it showed THEM that they CAN prevail over their own demons.
I actually got to 29 pages, when I reached the point where I was trying to write about one of the earliest (if not THE earliest) incident I remember of a sexual nature where I was "the bad guy" and nothing I could do, nothing I could write about it... well it came out everytime as if I were trying to justify what I had done.
There was no justification. Youth, adrenaline, inexperience and circumstance placed me in a spot where I did something I have regretted the rest of these 51 or so years since then. I realized what I was doing was terribly wrong, and after 5 months, I put a stop to it, but it was too late.
My family was shattered, my life and two others were irrevocably marred.
I've asked for forgiveness, which was given lip service to, but not from the heart and to this day the two others hold deep animosity towards me, one even threatening my life on more than one occasion.
I changed the direction of my VA Mental health counseling to try and get some internal resolution; two of the counselors said I was a criminal and should be locked up, one actually tried to connect me with sexual predator counseling (non VA)
That didn't happen. Thank God.
I still cannot write about those events.