Observations on Solitude

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It is necessary for a man to go away by himself, to sit on a rock and ask,
'Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going?
𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒍 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒈
Usually, when the distractions of daily life deplete our energy, the first thing we eliminate is the thing we need the most:
quiet, reflective time, time to dream, time to contemplate what's working and what's not, so that we can make changes for the better.
𝐒𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐡 𝐁𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐡
If there were a little more silence, if we all kept quiet...maybe we could understand something.”
𝙁𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙤 𝙁𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙞
“Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.”
𝙇𝙖𝙤 𝙏𝙯𝙪

When searching for an image for this post, nearly all the images depicted sadness or depression.
Solitude is a necessary part of life. Neither sad nor happy, but it should/could be reflective.
How many times has your parent, pastor or counselor told you:
"If you are angry or upset, stop, step back and take a deep breath, count to 10 (for instance)"

I have for a long time, had a problem. I would 'internalize' every event, or every criticism or perceived slight, as if it directly related to me.
When in fact, those things might be ABOUT me, but they are not ME
My current mode of therapy has moved from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) the VA tried on me for years.

CBT focuses on challenging and changing cognitive distortions (such as thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes) and their associated behaviors to improve emotional regulation and develop personal coping strategies that target solving current problems

To me it basically meant "You see the problem, you fix it" which did not help me at all, in fact frustrated me deeply making me feel insignificant or ineffectual.
So now, I've switched to ACTor Acceptance and commitment therapy which may seem the same thing, but there are subtle differences

It is an empirically based psychological intervention that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies along with commitment and behavior-change strategies to increase psychological flexibility. This approach was originally termed comprehensive distancing

To me, this one seems to be working better, and here is how I now perceive the thrust of that therapy.
I've had "Anger Management" issues for a long time. So many things I encountered made me angry.
Things that by and large, I had NO CONTROL OVER.
Also, Depression (which did not manifest as sadness for me)
So in this newer therapy, I don't say "I am so ANGRY", I will (try, I am still a work in progress) to say "I FEEL so Angry".
See that subtle difference?
In the first instance, I said "I AM so angry" but I am NOT angry, I AM Jerry, I just FEEL angry.

Emotions are useful, but they are dirty great liars.

Just because you FEEL something, does not make it 𝑹͟𝑬͟𝑨͟𝑳͟, most of the time anyway.
So I have begun to realize that so much of the turmoil I've experienced over the years, was really just ME TORMENTING MYSELF.

I AM JERRY E SMITH,
I AM a good person,
I AM a compassionate person,
I AM a generous person,
I AM a Talented person,
I AM an Intelligent person

I am not 'patting myself on the back' here, these are "Self affirming, self realization" things I need to think about myself.
Instead of

"I am not worthy of people's trust,
I'm not worthy of the good things in life,
I don't deserve those compliments"

which was, deep down, the mantra I'd lived under for SO very long.

There IS light at the end of that tunnel.
I recognize that after a lifetime of feeling those negative emotions about myself, and having them reinforced over and over, the changes won't happen quickly, but they WILL HAPPEN.

Still one of my favorite saying is,
He who is lonely when alone, keeps poor company
Jean-Paul Sartre

Keep it in your heart and mind;