Have you ever wanted to try something new, but were too embarrassed to actually do it? I'm not talking about something outrageous, this could be as small as wearing a new hat or getting your ear pierced.
Earlier this week I wrote on why I stood on my balcony and yelled, which was about how often we stop ourselves from doing things out of fear of being judged. If everyone knew how many opportunities or experiences we lost because we were scared of what people thought, we would all be horrified.
We've all experienced it at some point, and I certainly did when I was growing up and attending school. When you feel like this, you begin to not want to change much at all. You begin to want to stay the same, free from potential ridicule and embarrassment because you continue to be what everyone expects you to be. As soon as you step out of that image that others have created of you in their minds, you hear about it in the form of jokes (light-hearted or not), gossip and/or teasing.
Don't you hate that pretty much everyone you know has made their opinion about you and created a specific image of you in their mind? It is extremely difficult to alter someone's opinion of you if they have known you for a good chunk of your life. This often arrives in the form of the most important people such as close family and friends.
The only way to change someone's opinion or image of you after they have known you for a long time is to just go away (Traveling maybe!). Then, when you return they will not have had much idea of your experiences while you have been away and be forced to open their mind back up and re-judge.
Actually, often this doesn't happen.
So what do you do when you want to change? You either:
- Hang out with different people completely, or
- Set a new precedent when you meet someone new
Ok, well if you don't want to just ditch all of your friends, you're probably wondering what number 2 means.
Setting the Precedent
I created this term a few years ago when I first arrived in the States all the way from Australia. I was faced with a question that I hadn't needed to ask myself in a very long time. That question was.....
How do I want to be perceived?
I was in a new country. Had no friends. No job. No place to live. What an opportunity!
My definition of "setting the precedent" is simple: However you want to be known or viewed as, start doing it immediately from the first point of contact.
People make opinions and judge extremely quickly. As wrong as someone's opinion of you could be after they meet you, their opinion of you has still been made. We get so embarrassed to do something out of the ordinary in front of our friends and family, so this phrase acknowledges that when we meet new people we should start doing or wearing whatever we want, and from that point on it will be viewed is normal to that person.
When I arrived in LA I acted more outgoing and changed my hair style. When I got to Philadelphia I acted more decisive and others then often looked to me for answers. Before I arrived in Toronto I got my ear pierced (hey, that was a big deal for me..!) and then when I arrived in Toronto no one ever knew me without it.
These are small things, yes, but that is my point. It's the small things that we encounter often that we skip over, and eventually lead to a life that is largely the same. We let others opinion of us become our reality, as Les Brown puts it.
So next time when you meet someone new, act more confident than you usually would. Speak louder from your chest. Have a firm handshake. Wear the snapback you've been wanting to wear. Make more jokes... WHATEVER.
You can be whoever you want to be when you meet someone new, so set the precedent for be who you want to be :)
I will be writing more on this topic in the near future, so keep a lookout!
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