Hi @emeka002. Thank you for removing the copyrighted images. I'm editing my previous comment to provide some feedback on your story.

You have a very good storytelling style. Your story moves along really well, and as a reader I was captivated and wanted to know what was going to happen to Luis. That means you kept the story lively and interesting! I really cared about how he was going to overcome his life's challenges and make something of himself. You also did a really nice job of incorporating dialog. That is very often a missing piece in a story by new writers.

Now, having said that, I will share some things that could improve this story:

1. You could break up your long paragraphs. It's much easier to read short paragraphs than long ones. Any time you have dialog from a different person than the last person speaking, for example, it should start on a new line.
2. Capitalize the first letter of every sentence, and every person's name.
3. Make sure you know when to end a sentence. You have many sentences that run together, which makes them very hard to read. Here is an example.

Current paragraph:

The three of them drove to the safe house as usual, when they got into the house rocky shut the door and pointed a gun to Felipe’s head, he had been betrayed rocky told Luis about Felipe’s plan to kill him “I knew this day would come but he would die first” Luis simply said .“ After everything I have done for you homie, you still planned to kill me, power corrupts indeed”.

Edited paragraph:

The three of them drove to the safe house as usual. When they got into the house, Rocky shut the door and pointed a gun to Felipe’s head.

He had been betrayed. Rocky told Luis about Felipe’s plan to kill him.

“I knew this day would come, but he would die first,” Luis simply said. "After everything I have done for you, homie, you still planned to kill me. Power corrupts indeed.”

See how that makes it easier to read? Also, two more things. 1. Be sure to read The Ink Well community rules, which are posted to the top of our community. You can also find them in our recent newsletter. We ask our writers not to write about themes of violence against women and children. Fortunately, it is only a minor theme in your story, but please be sure to read and respect our rules about this. 2. Please see our useful post, Help for the Grammatically Challenged, which describes how to use Google Docs to draft your content, and find and fix errors.

I think your writing has a lot of potential, @emeka002! Keep writing!