Fear disguised as a criterion ...

I see lately that the same level of demand that they put on personal growth, is not put on the couple bond.

People work their career, body, independence, their emotional peace, with an impressive and admirable discipline really. And when it comes to opening up to someone lovingly, a resistance appears, something like fear disguised as criteria. It's kind of like Sometimes, it's not that we don't have big dreams. It is that I demand enormous results from us, while we continue to take minimal steps out of fear, fatigue or insecurity.

And of course,... then comes the frustration.

But growing emotionally also involves reviewing what we are expecting from ourselves, how we are treating ourselves and what small decisions we could start to change today.

It is a fear that ends up eating us both, because there is someone, who has become so shielded, who already mistakes loneliness for "peace", and there are those who are looking for connection without wanting to pay the emotional cost that connection requires. Well beautiful then, haha…

In the end, while the two in the link continue to call "strength”, which in reality is avoidance, they will continue to meet, recognize each other, and move away, like the waves of the sea, or what is the same loneliness, by the way, a complex topic that many flee from and that little is talked about in depth.

Even today he romanticizes himself, pointing out that perhaps it is the best option. However, human beings need the other, how do we live like this? I couldn't do it, I love being accompanied.

From an honest point of view, it is time to accept that it is difficult for us to live in solitude, and it does not mean that we cannot learn to be alone or choose it. The key is that this choice of loneliness does not come from the fear of being hurt, but from recognizing that we need a refuge or pause from the world.

The fear of loneliness is not just fear of being without compañía...es fear of feeling not chosen, not enough or abandoned. That's why we often tolerate relationships that don't do us any good, just to not face that emptiness.

But avoiding loneliness is not healthy... learning to sustain it, yes.

What hurts is not being alone, it's what we think that says about us, it's a lot of fear disguised as our own criteria, and intrusive thoughts that generate distrust.

That's why small steps are key, because they help us gain and maintain trust. After a stumble we must remember that it is just that, a stumble. If we allow that to define us, we will have lost something decisive. That's when confidence comes, the same one that fits and dresses, she, confidence allows us to face challenges that seemed impossible. While without it even the easiest thing gets complicated.

Accept the mind and heart of the other as something different from us... that does not belong to us even if we share it. It doesn't matter if you are in a couple, in a complicated relationship, closing a story or wanting to start a new one …

Sometimes we can even feel more lonely next to other people than when we have no one around, to understand the difference between forced loneliness, voluntary and that which is lived in the presence of others. It is very good to learn to build well-being from perseverance, and not from pressure... Life is not measured by the what if's?... Everything is measured, by the times you dared to try. Every experience adds up.

Every attempt makes you more yours. What will be the next step, step? Do you prefer to live in solitude or have people close to you?

Janitze 🌹