Everything I've done for you... and that's how you pay me back?” ...

This is triangulation...

When mom and dad are fighting and one of the two uses you as an ally, confidant or "messenger”…
They put you in the middle so they don't look at each other.

Generation after generation it repeats itself until someone says, ”I solve this with my limits, not with my children."

Everything I've done for you... and that's how you pay me back?”... Those are gifts with teeth: favors, sacrifices or gifts that actually come with eternal emotional debt.

The typical classic that passes from grandmothers to mothers and from mothers to daughters.

Learning to love without forgetting yourself is essential. That thing about making yourself small so that the other one can be big, look, no. That's not going.

I have been betrayed, lied to, fucked up, badly loved... and I have also made mistakes in my relationships. However, I still believe in love, in people, in the hope of love forever. The one that is built every day, from reciprocity.

Many get married for fear of “missing the train” or because of social pressure. This happened to one of my daughters, who is now divorced. When fear decides for you, silence becomes routine. So the more you work on your self-esteem, the less likely you are to get screwed by others.

I think I understand something today.

Knowing what your love languages are is of course important. It's how you give it and how you like to receive it.

But taking the time to get to know the love language of the people you love, that's where the difference is, why it's how you will give love to them.

And that, for me, is the reason for everything. If you do everything when you know that love came to you. My maternal grandmother always told me that one does not live by love alone, and to always keep in mind that admiration and recognition increase love and bonding, non-acceptance is felt, hurts and drives away... The "but already" conditions and it is difficult to move forward.

And when the bond hurts more than it heals, staying in the relationship is also losing.It had to be said.

In addition, when the relationship is filled with repeated arguments, long silences, jealousy, tiredness and that feeling of “we don't listen to each other anymore”, the worst thing is to let it continue on automatic. Stopping on time helps: look at each other honestly, understand what is hurting each other and agree on boundaries that take care of both, it's emotional intelligence and a lot of self-esteem.Yes, did you stay in a relationship for fear of starting from scratch? So, that wasn't love, it was habit. To be empathetic is not to allow abuse.

Everything has limits and empathy is no exception. That you resolve and understand that the other feels a certain way is not the same as allowing him anything.

That “poor thing” "how am I going to say no”, DOESN'T WORK! ... Boundaries are part of love too. That's right.

Janitze 💫