It was a time in the history of man kind when The Crusaders who had seen the worst of atrocities committed against sheep, camels, goats and donkey alike were on their way back from victorious feats against their inbred heathen enemies.
Little did these men know that among their ranks were those who had taken a fancy to the sick ways of their enemies, looking at cousins and goats with a certain sparkle in their eye.
Among the men who were still sickened at the thought of crosseyed inbread blackbearded heathens having intimate unforgettable moments with woolly mistresses, was one humble simple fellow who fought for good and never imagined that his ancestors one day shall have to see similar horrendous acts of S&M committed to four legged woolly critters just off their mainland. On some very small islands called News Eeeeeeland... (which is pronounced in a manner somewhat like the sound produced by the fellow who had to squeal like a pig in a story called “Deliverance”.)
The name of this young chap who would suffer from nightmares of the things he had seen men do to animals and inbred relatives, was Sir Jack.
Sir Jack was the long lost descendant of Jaximus, the character who had a movie made about him but was called “Maximus” in the script, so as to protect his identity from the nosey, and man do I mean noseyyyyyy descendents of their even nosier lead poisoned insane forefathers. Again it was never expected that these same nosey folk who are banned from swimming backstroke on beaches because of people yelling out “Shark – Shark – Shark.... oops.. just a another one of those nosey buggers” would one day be the cause of a great big hole in the ozone layer.
Some forefather of the Village People claimed that breathing in through ones nose is better for ones health. Which got these hand waving nosey characters from the south of the old continent sucking up all the ozone. Sure enough, once again as they all moved to the Garden of Eden called “Down Under” the biggest hole in the ozone layer was no where else but of course above the greatest continent of a country known to man kind.
Getting back to Sir Jack, the long lost descendant of Sir Jaximus. On their long journey back through all sorts of lands, such as those where the women are hairier than the men, and lands where the young lasses were lookers, but when looking at their parents one had to ask WTF happened. Sir Jack came across a group of men who talked about their ancestors who had fought the heathens from the east. It was there that he learned how Heavy Metal music actually was known of well before all the contemporary bands of the day and age he lived in. Which can be seen in the video below, pure proof that Metal was the choice of true warriors throughout the ages.
So having learned many a thing about the peoples and cultures across all the lands it was when traveling through some lands where there were God loving people who appreciated all the gifts of nature, that he met a beautiful young lass by the name of Lady Sylvia. A lovely young unspoiled angel that shone like a star in the night, a lass that made his heart beat faster than the thought of being caught by the inbred sheep bonking enemies of his past.
It was a fairytale story. Love at first site.
Such a love that songs would one day be written about it!
Yes they married and had 4 lovely children and Sir Jack hung up his armour and Teutonic Sword to start a new life as a humble man, far from what was his home.
As the years went by and the children started growing, Jack, once respectfully known as Sir Jack realized that his children need to be given the opportunity to see and live the life that he had as a child. So that one day his children may know what their choices are.
So then after much discussion and consideration Jack and his fair lady set on a path to what shall be home to all their descendants.
Based on a true story.
PS. I'm a newbie at this, so I expect a bloody battle!
