The life I keep on going looking for a smoother pace is hard to come by. I didn’t come into this world to find it easy for me to live.
Obstacles can complicate my complex life though I can live with it.
There are countless barriers I have endured, but this one is by far more intricate than my previous experience. Breaking barrier like my own isn’t easy to deal with. It’s a fortress like I’ve never seen before. It has a life of its own! Any attempt I made to put it out of my system, the resistance is immense, with formidable apprehension I struggle even more!
Yeah, I only live once, though I may have “second life” after I suddenly had died or heart attacked and revived for a short period of time, and eventually die. But I think in my opinion it’s still counted as one cycle of life. I have never ever thought I will be in a situation where my life isn’t the life I have expected. I only want my life not the life of anyone that isn’t had a connection to me or the “force” had forcibly made an unauthorized fitting it into my life! I can sense that is one big barrier I have to break in my life. It’s the one thing I would like to smash with all my might and put it away for good.
As the years go by, the barrier is still there. It’s growing, gnarling, growling, howling, showing the enormity of its magnitude. Is there a way I could end its atrociousness that eaten up most of my time? I’d rather like to be with a toddler crying for food, playing in the playing ground, than to be seeing this unbearable barrier I thought I could carry all my life, but I was wrong, not just a carrying thing that is problematic in the first place, I can’t move it even with an inch, it fights back when I try to carry it away from me! I don’t know if someday this barrier will bring more destruction into my system, I have no way of knowing it. If and if there’s a plan to break this barrier maybe I will look for any book that might help me to bring this thing out of my zone, I will do it!
So far, with all the self-help, self-discovery, whatever it is that I’m looking for to get rid of this thing didn’t help me. I’m still as helpless as a baby. I’d like to get out of that barrier now! But what power should I be using to repeal that day I got entangled with it? It brings more solitude, sadness into my life; I couldn’t find happiness, being in a joyful state, but only blockades of vague future I thought I have. This hurdle me even more when I am no longer as strong as before, do I still have the courage to bring it down in the abyss of cold loneliness? Will there any tools to tear it apart that makes me feel free from encasing my core from its empty shadow? Or, shall I rest not seeing the day it will self-destroy because this thing can no longer hold me as its prisoner and will also die alone with no one ever care!
