There’s really only one big thing that I wish I knew earlier: The Power of No.
No, I don’t believe that.
No, I don’t accept that.
No, I won’t tolerate that.
We have differing opinions about this.
I’m not comfortable with that.
This is an unacceptable situation.
I’m going to hold off right now.
Spending that much money isn’t a good idea.
I don’t want to.
In the article above, Judith Sills, Ph.D. points out that we are reticent to use the word “no” because of it’s association with negativity—and, I would also argue, selfishness. Yes, on the other hand, is linked to risk-taking, action, moving forward, and helping (being “nice”).
No is notably absent in the lexicon of people-pleasers.
Sills writes, “Where negativity is an ongoing attitude, No is a moment of clear choice.” No protects us from exploitation and abuse; it allows course corrections in our lives (“I don’t want to work here anymore”). But first and foremost, it protects us from ourselves and allows us to act authentically.
I’m very comfortable saying no these days, but it took some hard knocks to reach this point. You can’t feel guilty about being like the bad guy when saying no is in your self-interests.
