Remaining sober has been a struggle over the last few weeks and it all came to a head last night. Not only did I drink, but I got drunk. And I liked it.
That is a bit of a problem for me. Having gotten a taste for alcohol again has worried me. Am I going to go back to my old ways and start drinking every day? This question keeps popping into my head.
I have to make a decision fairly quickly if I want to try to get sober or if I want to give up and try to control my drinking.
I will be starting a whole new challenge June 1 and I need to decide before then what I am going to do.
It is very disappointing to be drinking again and I couldn't even tell you why I decided to do it. I have been going through a lot lately, but that should not have an effect on whether I drink or not. Or at least I hope it doesn't. This has all been very confusing for me and at the moment I want to drink again.
Also, I am not sure if I want to stay in Alcoholics Annonymous either. Overall, I think the program and people have helped me. But at the moment all I can see are the negative aspects of it. I may need some time away to figure out if I want to stay.
Where all this leads I have no idea. All I know is that I have to make a change for the better or else I will never be happy with my life.
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