This question worries many parents when it comes to punishing a child for an offense. On the one hand, such dads and mothers are under pressure from the traditions of the "must" series, on the other hand, the advice of modern psychologists in the style of "not worth it" ... So how to be in such a situation? ?
In the traditions of most peoples of the world, as well as in many religions, you can find advice on the usefulness of parental assault in raising children for a long time. Very often, you may even come across the opinion that a sincerely loving parent can not only, but even must, punish his child in case he commits a serious offense. However, a lot has changed in society since then. For the first time, they started talking about the inadmissibility (or at least the limited use) of physical violence against children a couple of centuries ago.
This has led, in particular, to the fact that, for example, schools around the world have gradually started to abandon practices such as flogging for lack of lessons or other learning or behavior problems. Although at first this did not strongly affect domestic beatings, since it was believed that it was an exclusively internal family matter.
The main advantage of the physical impact on a young child is its high effectiveness. Probably any parent who at least once raised his hand against a guilty son will confirm it: the punished immediately becomes submissive. Children really continue to try to behave differently, so as not to meet the anger of mom or dad and not experience pain and humiliation. Furthermore, many over the years, who have already matured, admit that the bitter experience was good for them. As adults, they justify not only their childhood, but also ... their parenting principles.
That is why they legitimately transfer personal experience to children ... But, speaking of the effectiveness of the approach, we must not forget how it can be explained. Children in the future try not to repeat their mistakes, not because they have realized that they did something wrong, but simply because they are ... afraid. Certainly, the fear of pain is an excellent defense mechanism of the psyche.
Remember how a child pricked himself on a branch, Christmas tree, or inadvertently touched the hot stove in the kitchen, and didn't even go near them! It works the same way here. But the problem is, if you assume that punishment can be avoided, what will stop you from doing the wrong thing again? Any. And therefore, fearing being whipped, he will not learn morality and ethics, he will not change his principles. And it will only begin to hide them from you. Fear of parents, their secret, deception: is this a healthy environment in the family?
For some parents, corporal punishment is a convenient way to "parent" because it is so easy and fast. Using a spanking to convey your complaints to a child is easy. At the same time, the baby immediately saw the action and the consequences of his action! He does not need to explain for a long time why his act is bad, how he upset you with it, what negative results the offense could have.
And sometimes it really works, for example when there is a threat to the health or life of a child. He tried to watch from the balcony of a high-rise building, he wanted to light matches, he pulled a large dog by the tail - in such situations, delay can be very dangerous. And the quick suppression of his actions and the same quick slap on the butt seem natural. The same protection mechanism mentioned above is activated, but in a truncated version.
Thus, for example, a dog would have bitten a child and, thanks to the pain, would have remembered that you have to be careful with animals. All of this is true, but unfortunately life is more difficult in most situations. And a deliberate refusal to do serious explanatory work can lead to the fact that the child will grow up childish, unable to analyze his behavior and its consequences.
If you try to summarize everything, the conclusion is somewhat similar to the question whether it is worth teaching to strike back: you should not strike, but sometimes, unfortunately, you cannot do without it. If a child exposes himself or others to severe danger, if he allows violence against others, if he absolutely deliberately violates the prohibitions, as if he is testing his strength and provoking a serious response, this is only an incomplete list of situations in which only pain can convey the full severity of the offense.
The main thing is that all this should not be public: any punishment in public is very humiliating for a child. And be consistent in your actions.
First, you need to explain to the little man that there are no other options for influence left - he crossed the red line. You need to make sure that you have an unambiguous understanding of exactly what your fault is.
Second, corporal punishment must be unavoidable. If you have marked the limits of what is allowed, warning, that for certain faults the matter is not going to do with censorship and stand on the corner, always bring the matter to the end. And third, the physical impact cannot be frequent. On the one hand, the risks described above increase, and on the other hand, the child gets used to it, stops perceiving it as extraordinary. This means that the effect of the punishment wears off.
PS: And a small but important nuance. If you have already decided on corporal punishment, spank the child no earlier than 1,5-2 years and only on the Pope. Why? Such a blow is quite painful (unless, of course, the baby is wrapped in ten layers of winter clothing), but at the same time it does not carry a health risk. But blows to other parts of the body (fists, slaps, slaps on the lips) can cause significant damage to the child's body.
Remember: the child is extremely fragile! And a slight blow, from your point of view, can cause serious injuries, whose negative consequences can be irreversible ... Therefore, always control yourself and be aware of what you are doing.
Source of information:
https://www.ipl.org/essay/The-Pros-And-Cons-Of-Physical-Punishment-F3DZSCGH4SJPR
