There is a saying about bitterness that goes something like this “Bitterness is often a sign of hurt and pain that has not been dealt with properly. Forgiveness is the best way to let go of bitterness.” I remember this quote on the internet (Well not exactly remember as I had to look it up again today). I'm not sure what to make of it.
It is hard to forgive when you are hurting, don't you agree?
As you may already be aware from my previous post (Hah!!! I am assuming that you read my post and follow me) I am suffering from a not-so-delightful condition where bacteria are trying to kill my inside.
I notice that my behaviour has changed a little could this be the work of all the meds that have been given to me or this is the irritation that is set in with all that is going on with my life? All I know is that I was very angry at people. I am calm now as I am writing posts and having little fun on the Discord channel and exploring Muterra. But the rest of the day I was like. “Stay Away, Or Die.”
The medicine course is not fun. I must explore alternatives once I get a little stable. As I don’t like the person I am when I am on meds. I am glad that people who are around me understand what I am going through. And some are even trying to cheer me up. But it is not working as I am distracted by thoughts, anxiety and possibly depression. I know these are some serious words to throw around but I mean. I called in sick and took 2 days off from work. But the entire time I was on alert and get jumpy whenever the phone rang. It is not like I am the person who is running the company but still I was worried about what was going on. I tried to relax but that also turned out to be a dud. Perhaps I've forgotten how to let loose. And dear god, The thoughts that were running through my mind. I used to be a person who meditate and even guide a few on how to keep calm. But seeing how miserably I was doing in that dept, made me feel even worse.
I am trying to get away and stay mentally strong. But It is difficult when you are physically hurting. But then I know a few who live it daily and come out as victorious people. Not going to name them, but you guys inspire me. Dealing with anxiety and negative thoughts is not easy. And now I know it is not meant to be easy. But there is no other way around it. One must push through or else the quality of the life will go downhill.
It could be the bitterness of the meds that is possibly seeping into my character. Or could it be that I am actually changing into this grumpy person. It could very well be the constant pain. Whatever the case may be, all I want and need is to be better.
I am inuke,
And I thank you all for your support, love and prayer.
I am sure that I will emerge victorious from this situation.
