Several Humans decide to take on the CHALLENGE! They are invited to a Vorax ship, promised that if it did not work out, they would be let go, and not eaten, THIS TIME. The challenge? Feed a ship of hungry Vorax with foods so calorie dense that even a VORAX doesn't feel hungry anymore. This is Vlogging Gold! And no more hungry Vorax? Bonus! -- Anon Guest
"Welcome once more to What Stonkers You, where two mad chefs take on the challenge of feeding the entire universe until they ask for a doggie bag."
"This one is the extreme edition folks! We're coming to you from the heart of the Vorax Raider Vessel H'ach'nach, which I believe translates to Stab and eat."
"But we're not worried. We've got cheeses on our side." The first chef, Dane, opened a large container that was overloaded with wheels upon wheels of cheese. "If you want calorie dense, you can't go much past cheese."
"We're also cleared for chocolate, but not peanuts!" Her companion, Leigh, opened another container that had dense shelving full of other ingredients. "So that means I can see how they handle the Boston Rose Mud Cake." Their smile was wide and almost demonically gleeful. "Otherwise known by chocoholics everywhere as..."
Dane joined in with the chorus, "The Black Hole!"
"We've got some idea how to feed them from the build of the kitchen in this ship, so let's get cooking," announced Dane. "I am going to begin with Pork Belly a la Mac'n'Cheese Fritters."
"And I," cackled Leigh, "am of course going to begin with The Black Hole. Just in case, I am also preparing chocolate-coated, deep-fried, and sugar-frosted cheesecake in several flavours."
"There's also the fair food favourites like deep-fried candy bars, corn dogs, corn fritters, funnel cake, and anything wrapped in bacon, covered in batter, deep fried, and then dusted with sugar."
"Only the best for our hungry, hungry pals. Alas, the bacon printer is still being loaded with cell cultures, so the bacon wrapping has to wait a little while."
The Thranityr crew were mesmerised. Vorax was their job description, but if they didn't need to raid just to survive, they could enact a long-awaited change.
The humans were naming so many foods. Before this day, there was only "meat" and "anything soft enough to chew[1]."
"You're using hard pretzel sticks for the corn dogs?"
"These are hungry beans, and they might eat the sticks, so I'm using the fortified bread pretzels. They're strong enough for the hot oil and edible enough for our friends."
"Clever. I'll have to use some sweet pretzel bread for the cheesecakes."
"Thief."
"You love it."
Friendly banter and occasional bickering was their brand, but the food... the food was like nothing they'd ever encountered.
The "fair food" was produced on an assembly-line basis and handed out almost as fast as it was cooked. The crew were involved in that part, cautioning, "It's still hot."
The Voraxyr didn't mind. And they very rarely stopped.
It was the mud cake that finally did it. Even though it was one mud cake per Thranityr crewmember.
"Stonkered!" cheered the crew.
There had been weirder heralds of peace, but not very many.
[1] This is a translation. The Vorax subspecies of Thranityr have lost their jaws in favour of a crop or craw. A more accurate translation would be, "anything small enough to swallow." Which is alarming, given their serpentine ability to swallow most things whole.
[Image by Sigmund on Unsplash]
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