A group of deathworlder raiders makes the terrible, horrible, no good mistake of attacking a ballet dance troupe. -- Anon Guest
[AN: If you ever want a solid education on how metal Ballet is as an art, then read up on how the dancers break in their en pointe shoes and what it does to their feet. Ouch]
Half of the Humans on board this vessel were tiny. Child-sized, yet also adult. The other half were weirdly muscular. All of them were surprised in their Skins in a gigantic room that had mirrors on three of its four walls.
They were still Humans, and even a ship made for the transport of artistic Humans was potentially dangerous. Thusly, Pirate Ardaq attempted to cover all the bases whilst ze had them under wide-beam stunner range.
It was starting to become the standard array of questions when raiding Humans[1]. "Do any of you have knowledge of semi-lethal chemistry, improvised weaponry, any known fighting style, or how to perform sabotages that would aid in the odds of this raid being captured by agencies of Galactic Law?"
"Uh, we're dancers?" said one of the Humans.
Ah, thought Pirate Ardaq. They're harmless. Ze messaged hir captain. "All Humans secure in a room with one door. All rendered harmless."
Captain Qorkyt said, "Are you sure."
Pirate Ardaq is about to make a fatal mistake. Watch closely. "They're barefoot and in their Skins. What could they do?" Then ze relaxed, self-assured of Pirate victory.
The Human species is not, by and large, telepathic. Nevertheless, there are groups, working together, living together, and more or less constantly in each other's elbows, that do a very frightening impersonation of telepathy. There were a few mutual looks between the Humans under Ardaq's watch.
Without saying a word, a plan formed.
People watch Ballet and think it is an art centred around delicacy. They think the dancers are fragile. They couldn't be more wrong. Ballet is an art of precision, balance, and skill, where the adept practice perfection by inducing daily microfractures in their feet until those very feet bleed. And then they keep dancing.
It could have only gone worse for the pirates if they had raided a troupe of acrobats[2].
These were people who could lift and throw another Human at a third and make it all look graceful.
The look between the captive Humans said, Screw grace, we're flattening these flakkers.
The cue was, "Mind if we keep practicing?"
The result was, very possibly, one of the best fights set to calm and sweeping classical orchestration. Beginning with one of the males actively thowing a ballerina at Ardaq, knocking him out. These were people who could leap their own height for the sake of art. They knew how to use momentum. They knew how to weaponise inertia. They knew all about centres of gravity.
All in all, the Pirates were lucky that the Ballet troupe let them live.
[1] Of course by now, the idea is starting to sink in that, perhaps, one should not attempt to raid Humans. At all. Unfortunately for Pirate Ardaq, the Sunk Cost Fallacy is universal.
[2] Because people who hurl themselves around in the air at maximum speed with only the faith in another person on a moving swing to catch them already know no fear.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Wisky]
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