Ferrets vs Cthulhu, and the ferrets winning. Maybe they use confined spaces against Cthulhu? -- Anon Guest
What Lovecraft said is true. There is little, if anything, that Humanity can do to stop an Elder God. The best that any can hope for is that they might be beneath the Entity's notice. Once summoned, there is no wrath. There is no feeling at all from a definitely superior entity. They do what they want and might eventually return to that from whence they came.
They are impossibly old. Impossible to understand. Impossible to conquer. Impossible to kill. If one also counts the laws of physics and biology, they are also just plain impossible. Too big. Too impractical. There is no way that creatures like that could have evolved naturally, and that was the entire point. They weren't natural. To look on them was to go mad.
Except for Pearl Wallace, who was generally considered to be a little bit mad in the first place. She had made a career out of breeding ferrets and when her babies were endangered by the rampaging Divinity, she graduated into being more than bloody furious. She opened all her cages, set all her babies free and, glaring at the Elder God as fiercely as she could, swung their favourite toy rabbit about like a bolas. Tossed it at the tempting, dangling tentacles at the creature's face.
The ferrets swarmed after their favourite toy. They didn't understand what an Elder God was. They didn't know a blessed thing. What they did know was that the tentacles were fun to play with and the giant arms were slow and easy to bite and scratch. Two hundred and seventy-five adults and over six hundred kits zipped around the body of the Elder God as if it were the greatest game in the world. Which, to them, it was.
They did what ferrets did best. Biting, scratching, marking areas with their musk and leaving scat in unpleasant places. Clambering over and shredding the bat-like wings of Cthulhu, just as they did for Pearl's curtains. They got into the creature's nooks and crannies and made themselves comfortable whilst they simultaneously made Cthulhu very uncomfortable indeed.
It was like watching a wolf slowly realise it had sat on an ants' nest. If the ants were capable of travelling away from the wolf's every attempt at getting rid of them.
They had no hope of actually hurting Cthulhu. What they did was egregiously inconvenience it. They did so to the point where the Elder God was willing do do anything at all to be allowed to return to its own realm. Pearl, having established that she was the only one who could control the ferrets, knew just what to ask for.
"You fix up everything you've broken, and then I'll call them off and you can leave. Forever."
Cthulu was very eager to obey. Even when it was revealed that all her babies would scurry back home when she singsonged, "Din dins!" and banged a cat food tin with a spoon.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Couperfield]
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