Welcome to hive naija weekly prompt edition 92, my name is ingbede, i will be writing on the topic "How do you deal with loss". I hope you find my writing informative.
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Losses are part of the daily lives we live, personalizing dealing with loss. I lost a relationship due to the lack of maturity of the lady, her refusal to learn daily, age gap posed a challenge, she also felt she had time to play smart. I had plans to marry and I was reassuring her daily about my willingness to ensure this relationship worked down to marriage. I invested so much into ensuring the relationship worked, I went out of my way to buy her stuff I felt she needed, and kept a free-flowing communication medium, which involved calling her at least three times daily, asking about her wellbeing, ensuring I encouraged her often knowing fully she was a Nursing student schooling away from home, she comes back home during her breaks of three weeks, within this periods, I would ensure she goes back with a gift from me, reassuring her of my commitment and dedication to make it work.
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There were indications the relationship was on the verge of ending each time she behaved carefree towards the relationship, I kept ensuring it didn’t fail, not to be a reason for failure, she offended me more in the period we were together and most times she could not apologize, blaming it on her studies and emotional imbalance, at other times she said it was a hormonal imbalance. There were instances, when I would have to explain how she had offended me and she would make it look normal and there wasn’t anything to lose sleep over. I spent heavily on the relationship because to cost of keeping a distant relationship was telling on me.
At the point of asking her to tell how their customs and traditions are regarding marriage, she broke the news that "She wasn't ready and needs a man that can take care of all her needs unassisted", which ended the relationship on a sad note, seeing that I had all hopes on it. I contacted her mum because “at its lowest, if a child (lady) doesn’t have the foresight to see beyond where the point she is standing, her mum should have a better view”, lo and behold I was shocked by my bone marrow, her response was, “Her daughter didn’t tell her about me and she didn’t see the need to ask, being that she sees me as one of her daughter’s friends.
It only proved the point that not all Mothers have learned the responsibilities of being mothers, the burden of training a child to adulthood, discipline, home management, how a child should conduct himself/herself in the wider society without being disrespectful, also regulating the social activities of their kids as a measure to guide excesses and going beyond the decency range. To tell the truth, I was disappointed at the mother’s response, although she promised to give feedback having spoken to her daughter, of which she never did up to date.
It took a period of like two years to have grown over the heartbreak, each time I remembered that episode of my life, it hurt deeply because I really wanted to do right by her, of which she was entirely dis-satisfied but kept going for the benefits derivable from the relationship. The effect was that I couldn't now trust ladies with serious mandates as regards relationships transcending to marriage, as soon as a response come that wasn't approving of a relationship, I exited the association to avoid disregard of any kind.
The healing process involved talking to her about her flaws in the relationship, which she regretted and wanted to reunite, she also told me her observations as to why the relationship failed. I have moved on actually; but, the willingness to go into another relationship has been on precaution taken up by me. Having an emotional personality costs a person to learn the hard way; in a way, one shouldn’t put all the eggs in a basket. By extension, it meant until one is married he/she shouldn’t stick to a person for a relationship (a personal opinion).
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