Hi, guys!
While my life is 90% of dealing with depression and panic attacks, I don't have much to share. Even playing musical instruments that I adore is given to me now with difficulty, but I try very hard. At least a little bit, at least half an hour a day, but come to them. Most of all, oddly enough, goes to the saxophone. It takes the most effort to get ready to play, but it still remains my favorite of all my instruments. Piano, guitar and flute are still waiting for their turn and I know that I will definitely return to them.
The hardest part about a deep depressive episode is not gnawing yourself day and night for being unproductive. For the fact that each action requires tremendous effort, for the fact that not a trace remains of your former performance. This is especially acutely felt by people with bipolar disorder, because it turns out that yesterday you could do absolutely everything, you had an unlimited amount of strength and energy, but today you can not do anything, and it takes all strength to cook something for yourself. And sometimes it doesn't work either.
When I signed up for the first meeting of the adaptation group (which will be on Friday, and after that I will definitely tell you how it went), I was immediately asked how I was with art therapy. This is a volunteer organization, so they have to work with what they have. Of course, I have no qualifications in this regard, but I was asked because my profile says that I am an artist. And they offered to conduct art therapy sessions. I think I will most likely agree, in any case I would very much like that. But first I need to get to know the group and get comfortable, I get very nervous when I talk to new people.
But there is something that I resolved to myself after this question. I allowed myself to take a new sketchbook and start drawing in it just like that, without any expectations. When you are an artist, then you treat any drawing process as something that should entail a completed work, which you then sell, or at least expose on social networks. And I allowed myself to just move with a brush or marker on the paper. And it turned out that my world now looks like the picture above.
We will work, we will fix it. As long as I'm glad at least that I managed to make an appointment with a doctor for the day after tomorrow. After all, there was every chance to wait for the recording until the end of December.
Take care of yourself and your loved ones:)
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber