Hi, guys!
Today I have perhaps the first good news about my mental state in the last few months. For the first time in many days, I slept without nightmares. And in fact, it already became difficult for me to go to bed because of this, because I know that as soon as I fall asleep, I literally fall into hell, and now I have a hope that all this will change, that I will be able to sleep again fine. The worst thing is that for me, the very process of going to sleep has become a disaster, because I am already pre-determined that something will be wrong.
Perhaps this is just the case where I would like to resort to self-persuasion. I try to adjust myself to the fact that everything will go well, that the night will be calm, but since this was the first quiet night in the last few months, it is very difficult for my head to believe in such beliefs. Despite this, I try to control myself. For me, the moment when I take medication has turned into a disaster for me, because I know that after I take them very soon I will want to sleep and then fall asleep. And then the nightmares will begin. I think that in fact, after all that I have experienced over the past few months, my psyche began to clear up in this way. And now maybe she's back to normal again so the nightmares disappear.
Of course, I very optimistically said "disappear", as if I am sure that I will no longer be, but in any case this is what I want to believe. Nightmares have been tormenting me for as long as I can remember, they may or may not be related to my mental disorder. I never found a chance to find out. However, I know for sure that when the phases change from manic to depressive and vice versa, they become very aggravated in me. I would like to know in what way it would be possible to make my brain believe that night is a calm time and that nothing threatens me, especially at home, but it seems to me that he just does not believe me.
I just realized that I had never been deeply interested in this topic. I really like to study psychology and psychiatry, I was interested in many areas. However, the topic of nightmares has never been touched upon by me, I don't even know where I could read something about this. If suddenly you know or can recommend something to me, please write in the comments. It seems to me that this is a very fragile area, very individual. That is why it is so difficult to find something about this, but I know that this has been with me for a long time, I really do not remember myself without them.
I know that nightmares can be a side effect of some drugs I take. However, I would like to hope that it is just the psyche that is cleared after everything that she had to endure. If this effect remains, in any case, I can talk about it with my doctor, with whom, by the way, I will meet on the 5th. I did not finish the course of treatment while I was in the hospital, and now I need to finish it on an outpatient basis, and I really hope that everything will go well and that the drugs will still work, because so far there is no certainty about that. However, I will start the New Year with the fact that my first night was calm, without nightmares. I hope that this will continue.
See you in the next post!
Love,Inber
