On Raising Warriors

I've been inspired by @everlove to write a little about my connection with my son today. His name is Kaiden, which is an Irish name, meaning warrior. He's 8 years old, turning 9 on April Fool's Day, hehe. He's the best thing that has EVER happened to me, despite the falling out that I had with his father. Without him, I would not have this sweet young man in my life at all, so I am grateful, more than anything! Being with him gives me the support that I need during my time of grief, and though he lives with his grandparents, I cherish every moment I get with him. Just look at this adorable little man! He is my life!!

He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, and I want to be someone in his life who always allows him to come exactly how he is. I want to make sure that with every day I spend with him, he feels I honoured where he needed to be that day. Whether he was happy, sad, angry, hyper, sick, or tired. I want to be there for him when he is angry at the whole world, and when he falls in love. I want him to know that it is okay to cry, or yell, or be completely silent. Because I love him, and I want him to know that for the rest of his life.

His feelings matter, and I think far too much of our world is telling men that they shouldn't cry, that they shouldn't be emotional. I don't want to let my son grow up thinking that he has to hide any parts of himself, in order to fit in. But this is a goal that may prove to be difficult, with the pressures of his school, his peers, and perhaps even other family members that are not in touch with themselves as well. He is a strong spirit, and I can only hope that is never taken away from him. I will do everything I can to show up and honour him.

I want to see his smiling eyes and face light up the room, instead of hiding away behind someone else's ideas. I want to nurture his emotional intelligence in every way that I possibly can, like for example, acknowledging his perspective. I can't change everything for him, nor would I want to. But I can listen to him, no matter what state he is in. Expressing emotions seems to set them free. They can change when they are voiced... When we feel heard, we don't bottle things up so much anymore, right? I can empathize with him, without needing to completely agree. I welcome him every moment I am with him, to speak his mind. He has every right to do so, just like any of you. Nobody should ever be denied the right to feel their emotions fully. It's time we, as a species, open up a little more.

I want him to know he can breathe deeply and get through anything that life throws at him! But first, he's got to feel it, he's got to tolerate what he is feeling, and then work on problem solving. We have so many opportunities in this life to change how we react. Once we go through the acceptance, we can watch sour feelings dissipate, and we are free to carry on. Moving forward, we are much more content, and ready to face the moment. We can't fix all of our children's problems FOR them. But we can teach them how to process them on their own. Compassion goes a long way, and so does listening. Play with your children, and let them tell you exactly what they are feeling. They will be strong, and will thank you for it later.