Hey there I haven't done a post like this since well I decided to do an about me for fun.
So I've mentally been going through funks; majority of them are well depression. It's been hitting me very hard lately why? Honestly if I knew I probably would have solved it for myself lol. But nah sometimes I feel like I'm going through a black hole and into the void falling in endless darkness.
I'm happy and proud of what I am which is a gamer and I get to kind of avoid real life people because of how anti social I guess is the label is xD... anyways as much as I am proud of whom or what I am, I'm kind of sad with it. To have no irl friends to hang out with when I could use a mental break from being cooped up in a house all day...I just feel useless? xD I'm a bane on society, no job, no income really, and can't do taxes, can't go to doctors without paying out the ass for shit (Welcome to America in a nutshell). I'm not on unemployment and I'm not taking government funding. So what I do currently which is be a content creator both on YouTube and Twitch (mostly main platforms) I just am sad with what little I can and do make, like if I was by myself like not living with family I would have been dead ages ago.
So I guess I'm depressed with what I do for work which is make content for others to enjoy or hang out. I'm kind of more in the over saturated bit I think least personally. Because hey look quiet shy human who's anti social like who the fuck isn't lol. So I try to do old school games which is more of a miss in regards to YouTube content especially since no one is looking for it, and if I hop on trends there will be a sea I'd be drowning in more so hopefully one day I'll be better, I know one thing I need to do currently is to somehow promote myself as a brand / business so I'll be studying on how to do so now.. weee hopefully once I see numbers are going up like on YouTube I won't lie with the adsense I make, it takes 6 months to almost 2 years to earn that $100 threshold and Twitch it takes 3 to 6 months depending on how supportive peeps are (friends / family) honestly with that money I'd invest it into advertisement now or something other than games because my god I have to many games...
Oh that's another thing since I'm trying to game for content versus for myself I kind of slowly get no enjoyment from gaming and it kind of makes me depressed because all I am thinking about right now is how much work I need or could be doing instead of taking a break, relaxing and having fun.. was so much easier with just one game versus trying so hard with variety :/...
Anywho thanks for the read I'm going to be shutting up now that I've got some bullshit out of my head and on paper well the internet xD... I should really take a mental health check and just try to be happy again... Welp see ya \o
