**SPOILERS **
We start off with Cassandra “Cass.” Supposed “daddy’s little girl” with a podcast, and she shared a love of bowling with her dad, who’s deceased.
While the opening credits roll in with the exposition, I notice Link, the main character from The Legend of Zelda series, on a poster inside a store. But I get the point, average town in America.
Speaking of random works of art: She mentions The Big Lebowski, another American film that’s entertaining. One of the best sayings from that film is,” THE MONEY LEBOWSKI!” It also contributed to the popularization of the “White Russian,” an alcoholic beverage, to my generation, or so I’d like to think.
Cassie meets up with two of her best friends in a bowling alley at the bar, mourning the last days of her being 29 years old, and complains about success and an article claiming marriage for college graduates in south USA being 26.
Here’s where this lost me a while. This one thought invaded my head for the next 30 minutes of the movie going,” What middle class white American female worries about marriage TODAY? Not since at LEAST the 1950’s.” Maybe I live in a bubble, maybe it’s cause I’m unusual in my views, but seriously? Maybe I’m too judgmental, but on we go!
We all have our criteria for significant others, whoever they are, but this guy “Donnie” that’s mentioned bowls a perfect game apparently. That’s too much like Oedipus/Freudian theory to me, too much like her father.
The slow-motion shots of Donnie are ridiculous. How cliché is this? They even do this in Bollywood films, and most of the time, we’re supposed to take these shots seriously!
Cassie turns back to her friends, as “The Staring Guy” approaches them at the bar. It’s awkward as first meetings go between Cass and TSG. It’s the blandest first meeting conversation I’ve ever seen. They part ways, and she goes back to “Donnie Drooling.”
We flash to the movie store Oliver and Chris work at. Oliver has chosen to go mute, even in front of customers. As a store manager, Chris is hysterical. He makes my gestures look tame. Cassie stops by. As they discuss Oliver, Chris invites her over to a “board game night.” Chris is the only one interesting enough in this male clique. Ollie is watered down weird, and Sheldon is bland like potatoes. Board game night is where Cassie takes single Julie to Sheldon’s house above the bowling alley, where Cassie unintentionally takes experimental hallucinogens. Julie is so judgmental. I like Cassie’s dress in this sequence. I’d wear it if I could buy it somewhere. While they play Dominoes, Oliver is OBVIOUSLY into Cass. Can he stare any harder? Show some respect. On another note, who knows how to play original Dominoes anymore?
First, we think someone spiked her drink, but it was her imagination. Then we realize it was real, but we don’t know what it is exactly. Ollie falls over unconscious, then Cassie falls out of her chair, and that’s when we find out she took drugs. Oliver proceeds to rant in a drunken state as Chris takes Cassie home with Oliver in the back seat. Chris also keeps rambling and he’s completely SOBER. This was probably the most interesting sequence in the whole film.
Chris gets Cassie into her house, where Cass is greeted by her mom, and they go clubbing. Does this happen in real life in America, moms and daughters go clubbing?
She bumps into Donnie again, and he gives her his new number, which is the WORST thing: “555-DONE.” What? Who does that? 555 is so 1990’s! Please do something original.
Yes, her date with Donnie is awkward a bit. At the bowling alley with Donnie and Cassie, she lies to his face. And when he walks her in, she slams the door in his face! HOW RUDE is that? How bad? A double standard here: it’s supposed to be funny, but it’s awful if a guy does it.
The “Holiday Shin Dig” starts with Pete Weber viewings. Donnie leaves early as Cassie tries to connect with him, then the other Julie leaves too. We discover Donnie cheating as he dives over the bushes and the other girl from earlier runs away. The other Julie goes back. We see Cass and Oliver take a liking to each other, as Ollie talks about working at an adult toy store, and he passes out from not quoting a movie, as per their earlier bet. Single Julie receives news that Cassie is being cheated on, but Cassie doesn’t know, ever. What kind of friends does she have? It’s never addressed after this moment!!
Cassie gets up the next morning, and Oliver comes back for his wallet. Oliver compliments her, and she jumps him, and she’s interrupted by her mom yelling her name.
A week later, Oliver and Cassie confront each other at Oliver’s new job, mentioning her mom was NAKED, and Oliver saw her. If any parent did this in front of their kids, even if their kids were grown up, I’d be worried. I’d think that parent has a severe problem. WHAT. KIND OF. SEQUENCES. WERE THESE? Has the notion of privacy escaped everyone this fast? What? Who does this!!?! Her mom could’ve been right behind the door for all they knew.
Back to the current situation: ANOTHER cliché! Nice guy gets dropped by girl for a jerk. Oliver for Donnie.
It’s closing time as the bartender is about to leave. Ollie’s ran in to find Cass. The bartender lets him in and disappears. Somehow Ollie’s in love after a month or so, and so is Cassie. And a happy ending as they go home together! Somehow Pete Weber saw the whole thing.
This film is a giant waste of time. I saw this on accident, thinking it was the M. Night Shyamalan film. The director knew this wasn’t good, but he tried to get it confused with “Split” by M. Night Shyamalan, and that’s what he was counting on. I GUARANTEE IT!
How are we supposed to believe Oliver and Cassandra love each other after a month?
Are Americans this pathetic in general, or is it just me? How useless and dumb are these conversations? There is literally no point to 90% of the dialogue!
The characters are mostly shallow and one dimensional, aside from Chris and Oliver, who manage to be somewhat funny and are 2-3 dimensional. The story is also supremely unrealistic by bringing up the marriage card.
Length wise, it’s an hour and a half, which is weird for a feature length film. Usually, if I see a film at this length, the substance is so rich and thought provoking. This was so one dimensional to me.
Once this movie ended, I said to myself out loud,” Well, that was a waste of an hour and a half of my life I’ll never get back.”
Out of the $13.50 USD AMC charges for a film ticket, its worth $0.50 USD. IMDB even rated it 3/10. Only watch it if you have time to kill, and you don’t know what to do with that time.
