Ever wonder what it really takes to hit all the right notes with a woman? Gone are the days when cheesy come-ons and a passed note in class were adequate attempts at flirting. You have to give women more, and while good looks help, you need the right set of personality traits. Namely charisma, good manners, and a good sense of humor. Here are the top 10 ways to approach a woman and engage in stimulating conversation that will leave her wanting to know more about you.
#1
Being able to banter when you first start talking to a girl is one of the most important and effective ways to get her attention right away. Most of the time, when the chemistry is there, you will do this automatically. But many guys skew too far in one direction or another. Banter is defined as "the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks." Some guys go a little overboard, to the point of coming across a little crude, and the more timid guys out there are afraid to even attempt something resembling teasing out of fear. So try to find the right balance.
Once you've bantered for a couple minutes, it's alright to switch gears and talk about something a little bit more serious or personal. Showing her that you've got the contrast between playfulness and seriousness will show you to be a guy who is multi-faceted, not a one-note Johnny.
#2
For whatever reason, nothing screams neediness in a guy more than a huge, gleaming, ear to ear smile. The evidence seems to agree. In a study OkCupid conducted with its users, men with profile pictures that featured a big smile aimed right at the camera were rated as significantly less attractive than those with a sly smile pointed a little bit to the side. Think of smirking as the smile's more seductive, more confident older brother. It's otherwise known as the eye smile, and it's extremely effective at communicating your feelings non-verbally.
Getting this right might come more naturally to some than to others, and if you want to make sure you're in fact doing a sly smirk and not a maniacal grin, it's alright to practice in the mirror for a few minutes. Chances are, if you freak yourself out, you're not going to be attracting too many girls with that look, either. Once you've got this down by yourself, it'll be time to try it out in real life.
#3
Offering an original compliment is a really effective way to flirt. You can all but guarantee the girl you're trying to talk to has heard most of the more clichéd compliments dozens of times over the better part of her adult life. Even if you meant it when you said she had beautiful eyes and an amazing smile, these are things she's probably heard too often to have much of an impact. Instead of going for the more obvious compliments, actually do a little bit of work and try to compliment her on something a bit more subtle. It could be a small quirk, like the way her nose crinkles when she laughs, or the fact that, even if she doesn't show it off, she's really smart. These are compliments that women actually want to hear, and they will make her feel a lot more special than ones of the more generic, obvious variety.
#4
A man who pays attention to detail and remembers the little things will always go further than his less-observant peers. It may seem hard, but this is something that you want to make sure you're doing from a place of confidence, not neediness. It comes off as confident when you casually mention these details that you've remembered at a later date. It comes off as needy when you make too much of a point that you remembered them. So if you're chatting up a girl, especially one you've just met, pay attention to the little things and try to casually mention them later on. This will show her that you're different than most of the guys she talks to — which will go a long way.
#5
terested in, a lot of the time they get worried that if they let the conversation die or let her out of their sight for a moment, she'll lose interest. Most of the time, this couldn't be further from the truth. If things are going well, don't be afraid to leave her with a cliffhanger and excuse yourself for a moment. It will make you come off as a lot more confident than trying to drag on the conversation long enough to rival the ending of a Lord of the Rings film. Confident, desirable men aren't afraid of losing her interest, and are just as concerned about having a good time themselves as they are of talking to her. Even if you aren't quite so certain of yourself, remember that emulating the behavior can be just as effective as really living and breathing it.
#6
Just as much as she wants to feel like she's more than just a pretty face, she also wants to know that you've got some substance to you as well. Do this by showing her multiple sides of yourself during conversation. If you started out with things light and playful, change it up by getting a little serious. Girls are attracted to a host of different qualities in men. Intellect, drive, humor, motivation, and dependability are some good ones, to name but a few. So the best thing you can do is to show her that you possess multiple desirable characteristics, and not just one or two — which will pique many a woman's interest.
#7
If you ask any woman out there the qualities that she looks for in a man, you can all but guarantee a sense of humor is going to be on the list — and for many, it's near the top. Lots of guys, having heard this fact for a really long time, assume they have to be some sort of stand-up comic to get the girl. Let's get one thing straight: It's not about cracking jokes and making hilarious observations that would bring a theater to tears in laughter. If you're naturally funny, don't hold back, but using humor when flirting is a very different thing than telling jokes. It's about showing her that you don't take everything so seriously and you can see the lighter side of situations. If there is mutual attraction, it won't take a grade-A knee-slapper to make her laugh. A few casual and funny observations will probably give her a chuckle, and that's how you'll know that you've got her interest.
#8
One thing that a lot of guys forget to do or are afraid to do when flirting with women is to add a little seduction into the conversation. Tension is a huge aphrodisiac and a great thing to take advantage of when you are flirting. So if you've used some of the lighter, more innocent flirting tips and you're getting a good reaction, try changing gears and getting a little seductive. Try slowing the pace of your voice and softening the tone as you speak. The content of what you say when doing this isn't nearly as important as how you say it. Hold eye contact with her while you do this, and put a little smirk on your face. While doing these things, slowly get in a bit closer and touch her lightly.
This will serve as somewhat of a test. If she doesn't respond after a minute, you should probably go back to what you were doing before — but if she does, it may be a sign she wants to escalate things physically.
#9
The "triangle look" is by far the best thing you can do when you're connecting with a woman and you're ready to take things to the next level. Here's how it works: Once you've already had some light banter and you're pretty certain things are going well, try looking into one eye, then the other eye, then down to her lips, and back to her eyes. Finish it off with a little smirk. If you're connecting and she's into you, a move like this will send shivers down her spine (the good kind, of course) and, coupled with the other tips in this list, is sure to get her interest levels rising.
#10
It's no secret that girls like to feel special. If we're being honest here, so do guys. Deep down, each and every one of us wants to believe that we really are unique, attractive, and interesting. That's why, if you can make her feel like she's the only girl in the room, you'll have a much better chance of hitting it off. It may sound a little cheesy, but it's a super important tip for flirting.
Before you go off ignoring your surroundings and pretending there's nothing else in the universe at that moment besides her, you want to make sure she knows that you are a valuable, interesting person yourself. Using this tip before some reciprocal flirting has taken place will make you come off a bit too eager to please — but if you bring it in once things are already going well, it could be a deal-clincher in her eyes.
