I have been following up with the activities of this community for a while now, I see different prompts which I have been unable to make a post on but finally, this week’s prompt is something I can relate to.
At every point in our life, we should be able to celebrate certain growth, lessons learnt, and whatever good or bad experiences we witnessed or experienced while going through this journey called LIFE.
Looking at my life 5 years ago I can only be grateful for all the lessons I learnt along the way because without learning those lessons I would have probably made greater mistakes.
5 years ago I was as a naive girl, a people pleaser, and an overly emotional person. I just wanted everyone to like me because I tend to like people a lot myself. If you couldn’t like me then don’t hate me, getting into people’s bad books was off the chart for me, I was so scared of offending or annoying people.
This lifestyle made me please people to my own detriment. I didn’t have the balls to say NO, if you ever ask me for anything even if it was going to cost me my time and happiness I was willing to still do it regardless.
My inability to say no made me take on a lot that I was unable to handle, satisfying people was my main aim.
Lending money was not left out of the equation as well, since I couldn’t say no to people, I also couldn’t say no to their request for money as well, I was quick to lend out money to my friends, were you in need of money? IB was the "go-to person" for that. I didn’t hesitate to lend money to my friends to solve their problems and make them happy. To me, it was wrong for my money to be in the bank while my friend was suffering.
I naturally can’t stand people being unhappy especially if you are my friend and I really love you. I was ready to go above and beyond for people.
Did this my good heart take me far in life? To an extent it did but it landed me in so many troubles, I had to burn a lot of bridges, let go of some bad debts, and ultimately discovered I had no friends just a bunch of parasites feeding off of my kind heart.
People took advantage of my good heart, they abused the privileges.
When I needed help back then there was absolutely no one to go above and beyond like I usually did for others, was I sad? Absolutely, scrolling through your contact list and looking for someone to call, and when you finally call, nobody comes to your rescue is really sad.
I sacrificed my time, money, and happiness just to make other people happy in the end they were just a bunch of fakers?. I am aware we don’t do good things for people expecting them to return the favor but not having anyone to call your own was a different ball game.
That was when I decided I needed to change my ways. I had to learn how to say NO to people’s incessant demands.
Learning how to say No to people was hard at first, it was a tough decision I had to make in order to move forward, I kept on slipping into my old ways every time, switching between saying Yes and Maybe just to avoid hurting the other party. It wasn’t easy but eventually, I mustered the courage of saying NO.
I can do things for people quite alright but not at the expense of my own happiness or putting me in an uncomfortable or awkward situation.
My advice to anyone struggling with saying NO to people is that, take it a step at a time and you will get there. For the lending of money aspect, my candid advice is that you lend what you can let go, if you are about to lend money to someone ask yourself if you will be able to let go of the money if the person is unable to pay you eventually, this is to ensure that you don’t get disappointed when the person absconds with your money or is being nonchalant to paying his or her debts.
Honestly, lending money can ruin relationships/friendships, I learnt the hard way and I wouldn’t want any other person to go down that path.
I wish you success in all your endeavors and I hope this advice guides you.
