Why Being Present Isn’t Always Enough

Hello there my lovely hivers!!!

As I shared on my previous blog, I was an officer appointed directly by our dean. For our first week, there is a booth and we need to be there to prepare the things and entertain the customers. We sold some food and we created a game for them to enjoy visiting our booth.

I can easily sense those people that don't like my presence they pretend that I was not there. As I had free time in the morning, I decided to visit our booth and spend my time there until noon. But then, I didn't expect that they would not talk to me as if I was never there. I just sit on the corner and use my cellphone to avoid the people around me. Since they were busy minding their own business. I just feel too tired just sitting on the corner and not doing anything. I thought just being there was important, but when I experience and feel those things, my perspective changes.

It rained around 12 noon and I didn't have a close officer and it made me decide to go to my comfort fast food. Which is jollibee when I feel mentally exhausted, eating jobe would make me alive again. Before heading to jobe our president hugged me and it made me want to cry but I forced myself not to. Since there were a lot of people surrounding us. She did comfort me but words without actions was just useless. I like how she comforted me that way but she wouldn't make time to know me or just like a simple gesture would made me talk to them more.

Even though it was raining, I then rode a tricycle and went to Jollibee. It's already 12:20 that time and I had a class schedule at 1 pm. But when I headed to jobe, I thought my class was around 2 pm. Thanks to my friend Hive account@apple reminding me that we had a class at 1 pm. I ordered C1 which was rice,chicken and a drink, I don't usually drink cold drinks and it just got wasted every time I would buy one.

Hive account@applejane went here in jollibee so we could eat together. I just love being alone but having a friend who will listen to your rants was wholesome. Since, I was elected as one of the officer I usually yap about things on my friends. I don't feel comfortable when I'm with them, I also don't want to talk first with them. I usually think when we're together with the officers, they don't want me to be one. All of the officers were close since the 3rd years were all classmate and my batch mate/classmates were so close together. And there's me on the corner watching them enjoying their bond. I can easily adjust with them, if they would feel that I was included but if the routine was just the same like they would just pass me and not try to talk to me, I wouldn't be close to them.

Since my circle of friends gets split, when we bond together I usually talk about how lonely I am when I'm around with them. I didn't have someone to talk to, I can help them if they would ask me to get some things. And that ends our conversation. One time our president talked to me like if I was just okay and i responded that I was just fine. Then one of the officers said that I was quiet all the time. I really want to voice out of what I felt but we were not that close to opening up with them.