It is always easier to point fingers than to sit down to discuss and to resolve any conflicts or problems. No doubt it is usually a normal scene at home with younger kids, where the child starts to point finger and blame each other in the name of fear of punishment. Hence, I have learned in my motherhood not to react towards any incidents or mess.
Up till today, almost everyday, there will be conflicts in the house, whether it is minor ones or major ones, that's not the point, and it's not even about who to blame. If not taught, children will tend to blame another in order to avoid being scolded. I am also learning how to teach them to own up to own's mistakes and without fear of being scolded. That being said, I need to renew my mind and relearn the whole thing about parenting.
It used to be like this — A mess happened, then the children blaming each other. Parents came and scolded one, or scolded all. Worse was parents came and beat up everyone.
Calmness is very needed in parenting.
I had learned the hard way. Always regretted after I scolded the children. I always tell them that mummy's heart breaks into pieces whenever I raise my voice.
Now, I have learned to sit down with them, do not panic, not even asking them what happened sometimes, but to keep quiet and see what are they trying to express. Sometimes, in panic mode, children resorted to blaming because they did not know how else better. Pushing blame is the easiest in emergency. Often than not, when given the time to calm down, they were able to express better without trying to point finger to blame.
I am gradually shifting away from punishment-based way of parenting to love-based. Punishment causes nothing but fear. Love, on the other hands, produces children who are confident and secure.
That's why, on my front door, I drew a big poster saying "Only Love Today".