Life is a fascinating thing, especially seeing as it's a door. Well, not exactly a door, more of a container really. Specifically, a jar. And since, you see, a door is a jar, it logically follows that life is a door.
Confused yet? Why ever not? In any case, the door-ness of life is a rather problematic state, seeing as we far prefer Arizona. Why? Because it's one of those annoying states which starts and ends with 'A' because, y'know, we don't have enough of those already.
But as far as states go, a couple of miles at most. I really need to work on my grammar.
Whatever the case may be, we should probably move on. This is true be it an attaché, some sort of purse (or man-purse as the case may be) or even some sort of handheld home-made bomb.
You see, said bombs are far more dangerous than written ones, for though the pen is mightier than the sword, loose lips sink ships, something I've never heard of a pen or a sword doing.
Be that as it may … Hmm, actually , defusing the bomb isn't the only option. The other option, in fact perhaps even the preferable option, would be to somehow send it towards someone we don't like.
Which in my case is almost everyone. You see how this can be a problem. Far too few people carry bombs powerful enough to suit my knees.
Why, exactly, am I suiting my knees? Would it be better to suit my kneads? Why does bread need a suit? Why do I need a suit? Why do I knead bread?
The questions every baker must ask himself. Indeed, verily so.
And this, indeed, is the problem in our world. We waste our resources, waste our time, waste our love, waste our lives. Indeed, verily.
For 'tis not becoming of a true master to waste such a thing, such a perfect thing, as the word verily, on one undeserving, such as the ignoble baker. Indeed, verily.
I have to stop saying that. Be that as it may, I should probably get back to our first point, and explain how life is a door.
I've already explained how life is a jar, and a door is ajar, now it's time to explain the rest to you simpletons. Really, who needs an explanation for something so childishly silly as to how life is a jar?
For what would life be without evil? Good, maybe, and who would want a thing so foolish as that?
Thus, life is naught but a container for that mighty specimen, that incredible force - evil
And what is evil? Well, you see, there is nothing which quantifies or qualifies evil, nothing which exerbates evil and creates it, so much as that mighty substance that is peanut butter.
What foolish peon would dare speak your name.
And that being said, what is the general and specific specimen for the container of peanut butter, that with which we experience it? It could be said to be no other than a jar.
Thus, a jar contains peanut butter, is defined by it, and life contains evil, is defined by it. What else could life be but a jar? And if life is a jar, and a door is ajar, it simply stands to reason that life is a door.
Now don't you feel foolish for missing that in the first place?
-hyperbole out.
