1. The world will end, bitcoin will crash, and all people shalt die before you get anywhere without a nice, eye-catching, doom-proclaiming first sentence. Examples not included.
2. Add lots of images
   by gaelx on flickr
3. Add plenty of gifs
   
   Wikimedia commons
4. Don't finish your lists.
5. Skip a couple of numbers.

And yeah, I think that's it. Now I just have to come up with some content-free content to put in here. This shouldn't be too difficult.

20 hours later.

Ok. Never mind. I really need to figure out another way of doing this. And for those who were wondering whether I actually waited 20 hours - you're a bunch of idiots.

Moving on before you start wondering why you're reading this if I'm just insulting you.

Oops. That frog over there looks interesting, doesn't it?

Please don't ask me which frog. I need a couple of minutes to convince God to send a frog every time I need one, such as when I need a distraction.

I mean... That's a nice painting over there, isn't it?

Attempts to hide behind imaginary potted plant, then realizes that trick only works once.

Heh heh. I'm just gonna... go call my mother?

"You murdered her 20 years ago. You wanted her fortune - you didn't realize she'd just finished writing her will."

Ah right, that. Yeah, that was fun. The will didn't present too much of a problem either, I just had to get rid of the witnesses...

Speaking of which, are you enjoying the mystery meat you're eating now?

Wow

This has taken a gruesome turn.

Though a this point that should be entirely unexpected. How many of these have not included a story of me murdering someone?

But if the police ask, this was all an elaborate joke. I have an excellent alibi.

And if he tries to back out... well. Let's just say he knows what I'm capable of.

I need to start writing paragraphs which are longer than 2 sentences.

Eh. I'll do it later.

And on that lazy note-

-hyperbole out