I can't recall the last time my mind wasn't in this non stop ballet of rage and anguish. Here's a nugget of wisdom to cherish. Mentally carrying the weight of old luggage is draining to the bone. It's fool's gold to think this is a load that you can carry without any impact on your well being. You become brittle. You become weak in more ways than one. Mental collapse will come knocking on your door as it is knocking on mine at this very moment. Although I've had time to rest and reflect over the past couple months of not posting content, it's been a tug of war for me to say the least. Old wounds have opened anew. The internal storm is back again and all this capped off by my creativity and vigor being doused in a fog of discouragement. I am here. This is the valley.
I'm tired of listening to people and taking them up on their "life or death" offers (because I don't want to see people hurt or maybe I just care too much) only to be shattered in the aftermath whilst I witness them sit around not having a single damn to give.
Resistance is here to poke old wounds in hopes that my spirit will once and for all wave the white flag. Touche Resistance. Touche.
I am being worn down as the days pass and my strategy is crucial at this point in the game. This old luggage has to be dumped and I'm trusting God to bring proper healing to these stubborn wounds that won't close.
One where I'm healed from my past.
One where I'm mentally free.
One where I'm not triggered all the time.
One where I'm not putting mountains of pressure on myself.
One where someone will actually listen to me.
One where I can stop giving a huge F about what people think.
One where my creative cup is overflowing.
One where my mission is vividly clear again.
One where my fire is lit as bright as ever.
Yeah...that one. That's the pasture I pray for. That's the one I'm inching my way forward to see one day. That's where I'm going.
With just a trickle of energy and mental space hopefully I can get these internal engines of mine humming again. Posting again would be great. Let me hurry up and bore you with a few things I have on my mind creatively. So I'm thinking of doing DTube series where I'll be bringing messages from our future (already in the works) or maybe take my writing to a new level and lean in to my desire to screenwrite or maybe knock the dust off of some of those songs I've pieced together and let em' shine. Heck or maybe I'll just do it all. Who knows. I just love to create.
This is for the forgotten ones and the absorbers of pain who drink from a chalice made of dung.
