Love & Marriage 61 - COMMITMENT - Part 7

I am writing about 7 commitments in marriage or long term relationships. "This is the entryway to your marriage-home."

In a marriage, there are seven commitments that are absolutely critical. True commitment includes all these commitments.

• Commitment to oneness
• Commitment to positive communication
• Commitment to quality time
• Commitment to growth
• Commitment to faithfulness
• Commitment to honesty
• Commitment to the long haul

The previous post was about the commitment to faithfulness and today is the commitment to Honesty and it goes hand in hand with faithfulness.
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Dr. Steve Stephens wrote that the CEO of a multimillion-dollar company asked him: "Should I tell my wife?" "Why wouldn't you?" "She might lose respect for me and it could seriously damage our marriage" "If you don't tell her the truth, she will lose respect for you."

Ultimately the truth is always discovered. Sooner or later it comes to the surface. If you don't tell your spouse, he or she will ultimately find out and feel deceived by your dishonesty Truth is basic to trust. Lies and secrets and silence create deep cracks in your relationship that can break apart the best of marriages.

The two of you are one and within one there need be nothing hidden. Secrets between a husband and wife will sooner or later get you into trouble. The first problem is that secrets are progressive. You start with one, and then you need another to cover up the first. And then another and another and another.

A second problem is that secrets remove you from accountability. When your spouse knows all, you tend to be more responsible and less prone to fall into temptation. Your partner protects you from your weaknesses and you do the same for your partner. This can only be done in an atmosphere of honesty and trust. Therefore, before you do anything in the least bit questionable, ask yourself:

• Do I feel comfortable telling my spouse everything I'm about to do?
• How will my partner respond to this?
• Will this activity distance us or bring us closer together?
  
  When honesty and love are the currency, a marriage is bound to be rich. I believe in a COMMITMENT TO TOTAL HONESTY, but there are three exceptions to the rule. I encourage individuals to be very cautious about sharing:
• information that is both hurtful and unnecessary
• information about any sexual partners you may have had from before you met each other
• if there has been an affair, information about specific details of the sexual encounter. (To share this data potentially creates visual images that can make it difficult for the offended party to heal).

The point above about sexual partners that you have had, I don't agree with Dr. Steve Stephens on this point. As it will be a secret and don't believe in secrets. I think in the beginning of a serious relationship you should deal with this from the start. If both had other sexual partners, maybe you can just acknowledge the fact and leave it be. No need to discuss it in details. But let it be out in the open. You may just run into this person when your partner is with you and he/she is going to know where do you know him/her from and just there can be the start the first lie and dishonesty in your marriage. If you only tell him/her then suspicion comes into play and your spouse may wonder what else did you not tell him/her. Total honesty, openness, and transparency for me is the key.

There are no small lies, a lie is a lie. Even if you lie about the purchases you made or how much you spend on that hobby, it still is a lie. Total honesty is non-negotiable. I and Scotty start our life that way, his ex-wife used to lie a lot to him and it took him a long time to realize I would never lie to him. Today I treasure the fact that he knew he can trust me 100% and that I will never lie to him.

If you missed the previous posts on commitment you can go read it at the links below. I
The first one was the commitment to oneness.
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-55-commitment-part-1
The second one was the commitment to positive communication.
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-56-commitment-part-2
The 3rd one was Commitment to Quality Time
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-56-commitment-part-3
4Th commitment: commitment to growth
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-59-commitment-part-4
5Th commitment: commitment to faithfulness
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-59-commitment-part-5

Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage, Dr. Steve Stephens, Tyndall House Publishers
Images: freepik.com pixabay.com panda.com

Thank you for reading, stay honest and faithful.

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