Don't say it's unfair,
I'll hit you with a chair...
( Tell Me Who to Kill -Motorhead)
It's tempting to victimize yourself particularly with what's going on right now in the world. And then again, victimizing yourself was never difficult to begin with.
Recently, I've been noticing the same tendencies in myself, and I'm trying to control that. While I'm by no means ignorant when faced with the many difficulties and injustices at play in the world today, I also understand that it is still me who decides my own fate. By someone else's rules, perhaps, but then, it would be insane to imagine that you could ever control external conditions, wouldn't it?
To want something to happen, to pursue a goal, is one thing.
To expect it to happen in ideal circumstances, and exactly like in your imagination, that's just deluded.
Personally, I think I'm doing a fairly good job of not victimizing myself. I'm slowly outlining my goals for this year, but I'm also making my peace with the fact that if I don't do them, then it will be because I chose not to. The way I see it, it's about taking responsibility for your decisions.
See, I'm a fairly harsh judge of character. And if someone were to come say to me "I wanted to do X, but didn't because so-and-so circumstances weren't to my liking", I would say then you did not want it bad enough.
For example, if you're scheduled to fly off to Spain, and you don't because the flight is cancelled, that's not your fault. If, however, you decide last-minute not to go because the weather is hot, and you don't like high temperature, then you can't very well come back and say "oh, it was such rotten luck I didn't go to Spain", now, can you? You chose not to go, and if there was something that could sway you so easily, then maybe you didn't want to go so bad, after all.
And then I'm sorry, but I won't be able to commiserate with you. People expect you to do that, they expect you to feel bad for problems they themselves have created, and imagine that just because they are too deluded to see it's their fault, that you won't, either.
Alas, that is not how things work. I mean, maybe, if your friends are into bullshitting themselves, too. After all, our societies often run on a "I scratch you, you scratch me" basis. You pretend to believe my delusion, and I won't say a word about yours.
But I tend to be impatient with self-deception, and my compassion runs dry after about 2 or 3 textbook phrases. If I see a solution that you might take, then I'll probably point it out. And you won't be very happy. I've noticed people tend to avoid you once you point out their habit of victimizing themselves, of feeding their own "tragedies". So in the interest of friendship, I now try to say nothing at all. Will it be helpful? No, probably not, but at the same time, it wouldn't be very helpful if I told you the truth, either. The thing is, most people already know the truth, they just don't want to acknowledge it.
And while it's tempting to imagine that you tell them the truth, and some great big bubble magically bursts inside their minds, that's not what happens. They don't have an aha moment, their world doesn't come crashing down. You've just made them feel stupid, because by pointing out the obvious, you're forcing them to acknowledge it. That, or admit they're lying to themselves, and nobody wants that.
But getting back to unfairness, I think a lot of things in this life are unfair. I could tell you what I think is, and I'm sure you could tell me what you think is unfair, and we could talk the night through, and not be any wiser when we were done. Everyone thinks some aspects of their lives are unfair.
Maybe you've got bad genes, and your hair's falling out.
Maybe you can't get a job or a girlfriend, or can't find good rent.
Maybe your hobby isn't one that pays.
The question, I find, isn't what do you think is unfair. It's whatcha gonna do about it?
I'm not saying you're always presented with a choice, but in many cases, you are, and often choose to make your life more difficult than it needs to be. Why? Because it's catchy. Because it offers justification to an endless stream of frustrations, fears and insecurities. But that's not the world being mean or unfair, it's you choosing the easy way out. And I think you should be treated as such by your peers. Sure, it's kinder to pretend we believe people's make-believe issues... but is it, really?
What if, by sympathizing with them, you're giving them the attention they're craving, and reinforcing in their mind the idea that all this make-believe is healthy for them? What if while you thought you were being kind, you began being part of the problem?