It's no secret that I was absent from Hive/Steem for long periods of time, coming back for a while, only to vanish again, and I've been thinking about that lately. I know this is a heavily debated topic on the platform, the users who are said to disappear when the markets go down, and magically resurface when they're up again.
For me, that wasn't it. I remember there was a time where I didn't see the point in Steem anymore (it was still Steemit then), and I got tired of the politics on the platform. So I left, and then, I suppose life got away from me. I started working a lot, freelancing, but between that and my fiction, I had few creative juices to spare.
I'm sure a lot of people would say this, but for me, it was never about the markets. In fact, for a long time when I wasn't active on the platform, I barely even checked the markets. It was not a vital concern for me, maybe because in a very naive way, I never associated what I'm doing here with real money (I know, I know, you don't have to say it).
But then, after long periods away, I come back, and it's not because of the money. I mean, let's be fair, while Hive is doing quite well, it never skyrocketed to $50, say, or any other sum that would make one crazy not to come back. The reason I've always come back, though, is that I miss this.
And I've been back on here for quite a few months now, so I guess I felt safe writing this. I'm noticing how private I am about what I write here, how deeply I care. I'm willing to share some very personal thoughts and emotions here, things I wouldn't normally share with others. And from what I've seen, I'm not the only one.
I honestly think there's something amazing about that. I was writing yesterday about social media addictions, yet this doesn't feel like that. I've had periods where I used social media a lot, and periods where I didn't go on it at all. It's not the same. What you get here is people you actually want to listen to, or whose opinion you want on certain things. It's the reaching out across oceans and kilometres to touch another human mind, and scream into the hollow "I'm alive".
For the past few months, it's helped to tether me. Maybe where it's such an old fixture in my life. I mean, at my age, four years is a long time. Being on here, chatting to people I've talked to for years feels so intimate, and yet so strange. Because in some cases, these are people I've never met in real life, and yet, I've talked to them about things so close to my heart that I feel I know them well, and vice-versa.
The other day, I was thinking about writing my thoughts down, so that I can remember who I was years in the future. Or so that my children can one day know me as I was. But then it occurred to me that, while it's a nice idea, it's silly, since I've already been doing it for years. Without really meaning to, I've managed to record my life on the blockchain, in something that will hopefully never go away.
Should I so wish, I can go back now to a certain point in my life, and see what I was thinking and feeling then. I'm sure, a couple years into the future, I will re-read some of these posts I'm writing now, and think wasn't life funny then?.
I don't know why others come back, nor why they leave, in the first place. I often wonder about that, and whether like me, they will find their way back again, at some point. For me, writing has always been the only way to untangle myself out of any mess, and I don't know how well I would've done that, if it wasn't for this platform.
