I've been told traveling is some breed of unhealthy addiction for me, though I fail to see how traveling could ever be bad for you, you know?
This week, the Ladies of Hive community asked a very interesting question that, naturally, felt as if made for me,
Travelling brings so much freedom. Have you ever been on a solo trip or would like to do it in future? Share your experience with us and what advice would you like to give to other ladies here to have a successful solo trip.
As people who know me here already know, I travel by myself a fair bit. My first solo trip was the day I turned 18. I know a lot of people celebrate by doing other freshly legal things like getting drunk, but that never held much appeal for me. Traveling, though. The thought of flying on my own was and continues to be one of the most intoxicating, thrilling and yes, addictive ideas in the whole world. At least, to me.
Over the years, I traveled on my own extensively. The shortest trip I undertook solo was less than 2 days. The longest was about half a year. I can't say I loved those more than the trips I've taken with friends, lovers or family. They're so vitally different that comparison is pointless. Many of my fondest memories of "abroad" are from solo travels, though, and I thought I'd share below a few of the things I've learned while on the road over the years.
18-year-old Honey in Milano. Already an experienced solo traveler by this point.
1.The world out there's not nearly as scary as people make it out to be.
Whenever I tell people I'm traveling solo, they frown and get all worried. Aren't you scared? I'm sure it's not safe for a young girl to go alone, they'll say. And naturally, it sometimes gets to you. Before I departed on my longer journeys, I'd talk the talk because logically, I knew all the arguments. I was as safe here as anywhere "out there". But I did worry, in my heart of hearts. What if I was wrong?
Don't get me wrong. The world is dangerous. I got really frightened a few times in my travels. Once, while changing on a public beach in Croatia, I turned round and found this (homeless?) dude had followed me into the changing room and was towering over me. Another night, in Germany, I was walking home and had these guys wolf-whistling and coming after me on a deserted street. Terrifying moments.
I'd do it again, though. 'Cause here's the thing. This sort of thing can happen anywhere. Including your hometown, even though we're biased to believe otherwise. I was researching potential destinations last week, looking at stuff like crime rates, everything from pickpockets to human trafficking.
Then I caught myself. I thought, do you really think there's none of that right here in Bucharest?
We read and hear stories about people being hurt in various ways right where we are, yet we somehow think we're perfectly safe staying home. Except you're not. No more so than anywhere else "out there". The only way to be 100% safe all the time would be hiring a bodyguard. If that.
2. You've got this.
Solo travel is a killer boost for your self-confidence. I'm a very confident traveler (and, bit by bit, person in my daily life). Precisely because I've been in enough taxing or difficult situations in my travels to know I can handle it. I've handled dangerous situations. I've handled getting lost in a foreign place without a phone, in the middle of the night. Traveling alone really brings skills like space awareness, resilience, patience, bravery, and many more to the forefront.
Perhaps through the rise of the digital sphere, traveling is becoming more and more of a commodity. We're taking it a bit for granted. And we definitely take it for granted while traveling with others.
But if you think carefully about it, you may see traveling is miraculous. It's choc-full of confusion, chaos and unknown situations, and yet you typically breeze right through. If you only went about the rest of your life with that kind of confidence!
23-year-old Honey on the beach in Spain. I belong on a beach.
3. It's here and now. That's all that matters.
One of the coolest things about traveling on your own is it allows you to leave your baggage behind you. When we're at home, we tend to define ourselves by our backstories. We're the person with the kids or the bad break-up or the weird teenage acne or the unfortunate back tattoo.
We amass awkwardness, embarrassments and suffering and let it tell the world who we are.
That doesn't work when you're on the road. When traveling, you're regularly coming into contact with new people. People who ain't ever seen you before and who look at you now, and see you as an open question. Think about that. You get to present yourself as you are right here, right now. Not bogged down by your past misfortune, suffering, or heartbreak.
Which is why you should take that opportunity every chance you get, 'cause it really doesn't come round very often.
It's also why it doesn't work when traveling with others. Your partner, your best friend, your co-workers or your mum, they know who you are. Maybe they know who you've been for years. And everyone deserves a break from that now and again.
4. It's one way to get comfortable with yourself.
I'm sure there are others. But for me, I find a great way to calibrate is to be by yourself in a foreign place for a while. Preferably, a longer while, 'cause if it's brief like a couple of days, you'll typically be texting back and forth with home anyways and not get to experience this.
Journeying on your own is one long-ass date with yourself, I think 'cause you're doing all these cute things. You're taking yourself out to a cute cafe, and asking yourself what you want for lunch, and taking yourself to museums and bookstores and other lovely destinations.
Doesn't have to be fancy. One of my favorite travel "self dates" was eating supermarket sandwiches in a cheap-ish ibis hotel room. You know, just experience yourself. I keep seeing this thing online that a good "relationship test" is traveling abroad with someone. Sure is. But that also applies to yourself.
I think we over-populate our world with other people. Through social media feeds and messaging apps, and other "normal" interactions. We become so dependent on others that we start thinking we're not worth the effort. Like, I know people who wouldn't bother to do nice things "just for themselves". As if there was something wrong in doing nice things for you.
5. You don't come back the same.
Though that's true about any journey. Double about solo travels. You'll learn so much, you'll discover new skills, test boundaries, and go through a rollercoaster of emotions. Too much for you to return home the same person who left. But that's okay. You're meant to keep changing as you go, and travel is a surefire way to get that.
Now, it's not all nice. Solo travel can also get lonely. Scary. Can lead to burnout if you're doing it a lot. Not to mention put you face to face with some nasty parts of yourself you've been overlooking. Which is all the more reason to do it, I think.
P.S. for all the ladies reading this - do yourself a favor and stop listening to the "you can't do that as a solo girl" crowd. It's bullshit. They're bullshit. And you don't have the time for that kind of attitude.
