Departure?

I've been playing Splinterlands since when it was Steemmonsters. I've been creating video content and streams for the game since the second season was released.

Here's a single video to prove that. This video is not the content of this post. There are many words for you to read.

Look at how young I am. Look at that hairline. It was uploaded in 2018. It was streamed on Vimm.tv, not even Twitch! There was probably a whole bunch of streams that I did on dlive, too. I can't remember, as many of those, I did not record and upload for later.

The point I'm making is I've been here for a very long time. I'm a fossil. I'm ancient. I'm tired.

Heres a bunch of my personal uploads to YouTube and the number of videos there. 334+35+20
Some analysis:
Total length of playlist [Splinterlands]: 22 days, 16 hours, 46 minutes, 45 seconds
Total Length of playlist [Season Openings]: 1 day, 14 hours, 11 minutes, 49 seconds
Total Length of playlist [Classic Splinterlands]: 1 day, 2 hours, 20 minutes, 12 seconds

In total, that's 25 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes and 46 seconds. That's 609 hours. Do I have any idea what I could achieve with my life if I spent 609 hours over the last five years doing literally anything else? No.

I've probably written at least 500 HIVE posts about Splinterlands, Steemmonsters, and contributed heavily to the game and community via Splinterlands TV. I've made some excellent friends in this community and through this game that I would have never made before.

That adds even more time sunk into Splinterlands. I haven't recorded every game play session I've had. I haven't recorded the time I spent talking about this game in super excited tones with people like @mattclarke and others. I'm grateful for all those smiles and laughs and theory-crafting.

It has opened (and closed) doors for me. From staying up to 4AM to buy a Tract, to waking up to the thought that Tower Defence packs would be sold out and then buying them out of impulse instead of with rational thoughts.

I don't know where I'm going with this rambling. @azircon suggested that I should type out my feelings so I can be exposed to the therapeutic wonders of dumping my consciousness out onto a page.

That is something that I often do, and will always continue to do for as long as I have a functioning brain and fingers that are dexterous enough to dance upon the keys and make the keyboard go clikety clack clack. I can't talk as fast as I type, so voice to text is no good, as it cannot keep up.

Earlier today, I typed some words in the buy-sell channel in Splinterlands Discord. It took me a good twenty minutes to round up the courage to write that simple statement.

I got two DMs. One was "Please don't leave" (or something to that regard) - the other was "how much are you after?".

My response to "please don't leave" was that of justifying things. I've got to not too long into the future have some Dental Surgery, and I'm not sure what sort of time I'll need (or want) to have away from my day job in order to get that done. It'll probably be a day procedure and at worst, a few days away from the workplace.

But, I'm the sort of man who feels incredibly guilty for taking sick days from work, and feels incredibly guilty when I can't make people happy or fulfil their expectations.

My contributions to the Splinterlands narrative and community and my role as an official Streamer on Splinterlands.TV have given me the opportunity to spread my voice to a larger audience. I've been open, honest, constructive and analytical in my criticism of the game's direction, but these last few months have seen me witness a DAO that has failed on multiple occasions to vote in its own interests when viewed from my purely analytical, perhaps over-cautious personal perspective.

In my professional life, I am a data analyst, and have worked in business process improvement, as well as customer retention teams, and a variety of other roles within a large company. I like to think I have some experience in governance and helping businesses to succeed based on empirical numbers and facts.

The numbers and facts are that I view that Splinterlands will succeed in the long term. In the present term, and in the current climate of a deep bear market in a dark, scary forest; we keep stepping in our own traps. Perhaps I'm stepping in one of those now.

I've been here since the start, like I said; and perhaps my patience for "wen land" has finally met the end of the road.

That road has been a beautiful journey. But now, there's a fence, a field, and a pile of tarmac, waiting for more road to be built, a pasture to be more accessible at the expense of 6 or 7 metres, and another vanishing point on the horizon.

I have been incredibly impressed with the development cadence of the Splinterlands team since the restructure that occurred somewhat recently. I am familiar with agile working methodologies, sprints, and jira, as I use them in my workplace day to day, so they're working just as any other world-class company would be working.

I get the feeling that I don't want to travel on this journey with cards and a tract, and assorted items. I get the feeling I want to step back, hodl my SPS, and try to push with my limited vote toward a better direction for the community.

I am one voice among a chorus of thousands of others. My voice is not all that significant; and I am a normal human. I'm not the main character here. I've just been around for a long time. I've met some beautiful people, and I know that those people will be going nowhere. I can always say hi, or taunt them on their blog.

There's other passions that I want to pursue, and I have no idea if they'll make me happy. Splinterlands made me happy for a long time, but now; it doesn't fill me with joy every time I click the battle button.

The only endorphins I really get are from brawl battles, and they're fun, because Bloodlust on its own is a fun mechanic. Perhaps now that I've maxed out a reward summoner allowing me to use Gladiator cards I might find the game more fun again.

The reality is, for several months, the majority of my games have been played via Archmage, and my manual play is just a four hour window during my time on Splinterlands TV. I've dedicated upwards of twenty hours a week to Splinterlands for several years in a row now - and I'm... tired.

Onto rambling about other ventures. As I age, as I consider my upcoming surgery, as I consider what I want to achieve and what I want to mean to those in my life (both in the real world, and the virtual world) I think more and more about making memories and having no room for regrets.

I won't be living a hedonistic life style if I choose to sell my cards, tract, and other miscellaneous Splinterlands things. I'll still be me. I'll have a lot more of my limited time here on this Earth to devote to other ventures. One of those ventures is photography.

Some of you may know that once upon a time I had two alpha sets of cards. I sold them and departed Splinterlands entirely for a time. I purchased some cameras and revisited my university art education and produced a prolific quantity of photography. I've rambled and raved about my creative imposter syndrome and both the desire to obtain money from this venture, and to also just do it for the love of the process.

I was probably unsuccessful by all measures in that realm, and that saddens me, even in the face of being awarded a highly commended award in a national photographic prize.

I'm feeling that creative itch scratch at me once more. Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis. Maybe I always was, but if someone puts the right offer on the table for my collection, right now, in this moment, I'll accept it, even knowing that there's going to be great and fun and grand new mechanics on the way with land, tower defence, and other stuff that is on the game roadmap.

I'm aware of where that road leads, and the planes of potential prosperity it may give unto others. At the same time, I look at the fork in the road, gazing at a blazing sunset that beckons my heart, not my mind wants to go; and it tugs so strongly away from Splinterlands.