I take offense when people insinuate that my gifts are of the selfish variety. Is it my fault that when I get my father-in-law a bottle of whiskey he invites me to drink with him? You know how stubborn he is. He won’t take a no for an answer. Have you even wondered how much I resent his insistence? Is it also my fault that he likes to brag about what he is drinking on his social media? You know I hate posting about partying or the like. I could not care less about those things.
I drink that whiskey out of courtesy. I actually hate the hangover and my daughter refusing to give me a kiss because I smell like the drunkards of the streets.
Speaking of which, how is it a gift of the selfish variety to get my daughter ice cream? I know she loves chocolate better, but is it my fault that often times they only have coconut? Shouldn’t ice cream lovers eat just about anything? Isn’t coconut one of the best ice cream flavors in the world. Is it my fault that I happen to like coconut and have to eat that ice cream so that it does not go to waste?
My wife actually thanks me for that. She is not the best cook and I can eat just about anything. Speaking of which, my wife is also a sweet tooth. She demands her snack every afternoon. That puts a lot of pressure on me. I do my best to always get her something. Is it my fault that she is obsessive compulsive and finds strange non-existent ingredients, like anise, on any sweet bread? I have even asked the bakery store for an attestation letter signed by all pastry chef where they sweat upon their dead mothers that no anise is ever used on any of their baked goodies. Is it my fault that none of that evidence is enough to persuade her that such goodies are safe to eat and I have to eat them all at the end?
I also buy her lots of lingerie because she is always complaining about not having the right colors to match all her clothes. How is it a gift of the selfish variety to get her all those things I actually have to ignore most of the time so that I can devote my full attention to my different jobs, which in turn, allow me to make the money that will be used to continue getting them the things they like?
People are really hard to please. That’s why sometimes I just give them the money so that they can buy whatever they please. Is it my fault that whenever they have money they buy all kinds of stuff I happen to like?
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