It is impossible to offer love as charity even when is from yourself to yourself, because it is an emotion and emotions are involuntary, you can't simply decide who to love or when to love.
If you are going to love yourself you have to earn it, not in a stereotypical self-improvement way, like practicing affirmation in the mirror every day. But with your daily actions, the same way someone else would have to earn your love, he would have to behave in a virtuous way, so you would recognize it and react involuntarily by felling love towards that person.
There is one precursor for love or self love, that without, it is impossible for love to exist, that is boundaries. There is a very justify reason why when someone rejects you or refuse you with something, it can trigger an increase in attraction or love towards that person.
Because externally exercising boundaries it is generally speaking an indicator of quality, it is proof that that person lives his life to a quality standards and that he is proactive in maintaining that standard of quality.
To cultivate self-love you have to practice internal boundaries, you have to hold yourself to a higher standard. Chances are that if you suffer from low self esteem issues today, you have lost your capacity to maintain your own boundaries. Which is a common side effect of long term abuse.
As the purpose of abuse is to destroy someones standard of quality, and accept unfair treatment from the abuser. If the victim of abuse internalize the abuse, one of the common symptoms of internalization is self-delusion. Which is the inability to recognize all the available option in regards with one situation, especially with vices or self-destructive behavior.
A great example of that would be someone who is suffering from a drug addiction, as addiction is an attempt to self medicate to pain, the view of the addict is: I am in pain, there is nothing that I can do immediately to stop my pain, so the only option is to do a line of cocaine.
Of course there are other options, like: stay with the pain and endure it, seek help, try to understand your behavior, engage in another activity that will give you relief that is less harmful than doing your drug of choice etc.
When the realization of multiple available options is realize it is more likely for that person to chose something less harmful, and live more in alignment with his values, and your body will react to it by giving you a positive emotion called self-esteem, whenever you make that choice.
There is another benefit of self-love that is very important, as it seems that so many of us live their lives dominated by fear and anxiety. The opposite of fear is love, if you live your life in fear you have to find love, that is the end of your anxiety.
You would think that certainty is the way to get ride of fear, but the problem with certainty is that it is impossible to achieve. You can't be 100% sure in any given situation that you are going to be safe, there is always some degree of danger. But when you have self-esteem you know that you took the time to build competence over time, so it is less likely for something bad to happen to you, which means that there is less of a need to be extremely cautious, and you can relax.
