You develope a selective blindspot to your pain you experience on a daily basis because there is nothing you can do about it. Often the pain is covered with a series of addictions, constant pleasurable distractions.
The way we deny is by self controlling our own thoughts, we restrict ourselfes from thinking certain things because we believe it is beneficial in some way. Generally speaking people think there are two benefits from controlling what you think. The first reason is to stop yourself from hurting others, and the second reason is to stop yourself from self-sabotage.
Ironically controlling your mind achieves the opposite of the reason why people think they should control their thoughts and emotions.
It is your actions that requires, suppression in order to keep you safe and functional, not your thoughts.
If you want to control someone you have to give them a disease over which you have control over their symptoms, that disease is called anxiety. There are three steps to that need to happen in order to successfully abuse someone:
create anxiety in someone:
The immediate objective of abuse is to induce anxiety in someone in order to make him behave in the way you want to. This could happen either through violence or through lies.
convince that person that he is responsible for his anxiety:
If the person that is being abused becomes self loathing and blames himself for the abuse, it means that you disable his capacity to self defend. The emotions associated with self defence like anger or frustration, of which purpose is to create safety. That person is going to chose to suppress them and they are going to turn into chronic depression or anxiety. As anxiety is suppressed rage.
temporarily relieve their anxiety to reward them for behaviours that reward the abuser:
Because the victim now creates their own anxiety by suppressing their rage, by blaming themselves for the abuse. Now they are in almost constant anxiety, which means that the abuser can give temporarily relief from the anxiety to the victim by not abusing them if they comply to his wants.
Self control is the cause of your anxiety and self sabotage, not the way to stop it, or protect yourself and others. In order to get out of this cycle you need a permanent antidote to your anxiety. Slavery is not living your life in chains as much as it is living your life in fear. The purpose of violence including putting someone in chains is to create anxiety.
To cure your anxiety, you need to live life based on what you know to be certain. Things that are certain are not always positive, negative certainties will cause us pain in the future this is why when we conclude that we can't avoid them we get into denial, we stop thinking about those things, and because of that we can't be present in our lives.
If denial is an adaptation when we reach the conclusion that there is no way out of the pain, in order to get out of denial you need to find a way out, a solution to your problems.
There are two types of problems you can have in life, problems for which you can find a practical solution, that will require you to take a series of actions in order to solve it. And problems for which you can't find a practical solution that currently have no solutions you can apply.
This means that there are two types of solutions you can apply to your problems. The first type of solution is a series of actions, and the second type of solution for the problems that have no resolution is acceptance.
